Life is the art of drawing without an eraser ~ John W. Gardner

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The Word That We Are So Afraid Of

Love?

Hate?

Hopeless?

Death?

There is one particular word that we are so afraid of hearing it, especially when it comes out from someone who we love deeply.

Suicide.

All of us have problems. At some point in your life, you will feel so helpless and hopeless.

When help doesn’t help at all, when hope fades…… This thought becomes even clearer than any other.

When someone feels anger or hatred more than anything else, this thought again, looms.

I’ve had close family members who expressed to me that they’ve thought of death as the only way out. I was afraid, so afraid.

What can I do to make them stop thinking about it? I hadn’t any clue.

There is one thing that I could surely do, show them lots and lots of love.

I talked to them more often, visited them, hugged them more than any other time that I would, and emphasized that I will always love them even when the world gives up on them.

Did it work? I guessed so. They’re still here with me.

The love from family is something that could save lives. I’m glad that our family bond is so strong and that makes things easier. We hold on to one belief, “if thing goes wrong, my family has my back and they will never ever give up on me”.

Last year, I finally understand why would someone think of death as the only way out. I didn’t understand why would one person give up life so easily.

I blamed it on the hormonal changed and emotional instability. See, it just takes a few wrong switches at the wrong time to trigger the thought. If it wasn’t taken care of, bad thing is bound to happen.

It happened during my pregnancy. I was so tired after a long day at work, something at home triggered the rest of the emotions and that’s it. I was throwing tantrums, raising my voice, crying…… A lot of stuff went through my mind. All sorts of silly thoughts, why no one cares about how I feel and all they care about is only themselves, why are they so mean to me, why do I have to listen to them all the time, why do I have to always be the one to give in, why can’t I have any freedom of speech…… All the why’s that I have no answers to. I was angry and upset.

“It would be better if I wasn’t around”, I blurted it out at Andrew and he asked me what I meant.

At that moment, I was looking at the sliding door to the balcony. I wanted to go over, open the door and jump off.

I didn’t do that, of course. I thought of my mom, I couldn’t leave her alone. The thought of her being sad is enough to pull me back to my normal self.

Whenever I look back, I feel scared. It was scary. If the thought were stronger enough, I would have done it. Will it happen again? I don’t know. I hope not. I have my family that needs my love, I can’t let them down.

I am no expert in psychology. If you notice someone around you has that negative thought, please seek help. Either from the expert or the family. GET HELP.

There’s always hope no matter how hopeless it seems.

P.S.: I’m not thinking of committing suicide now if you wonder. :) I’m perfectly fine and happy now. I’m not a quitter by nature. So, yeah, it must be the hormones back then. Hahahaha. :D

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Photo taken by Ashley, using Samsung Galaxy Note II.

Il Lido Italian Dining @ Jalan Mayang

I’m not a big fan of Italian cuisine/food. The way the food is cooked, isn’t always my liking.

I can’t say that I’ve tried all the nice Italian cuisine available in KL, but I’ve tried enough. Every time I went I would try to keep an open mind, hoping that this would be different and nicer. However, I just couldn’t bring myself to say, “I love it”.

Il Lido Italian Dining, located just opposite my office block, has been around for quite some time. I’ve heard people singing its praises, but I’ve never got the chance to try it. Many times my colleagues and I had planned to go, and there would always be last minute changes that we couldn’t make it.

Il Lido has had a few promotional deals on Groupon, but I never bought it. Until last month, the deal came again.

It was the 3-course Italian fine dining weekday lunch and drinks for one person at RM35. Usually, during weekdays, they have set lunch which costs RM49.90++ I was thinking, perhaps I could go with Andrew. If at all Andrew couldn’t go with me, I’d go with my colleagues then. So, I bought 2. Then, I saw there was another deal, RM100 for RM200 value of cash voucher which you can use any time, any day! Damn! If I’ve had seen this earlier, I wouldn’t buy the set lunch. ARGH! After considering it for 5 minutes, I bought it.

I know, I know. For someone who doesn’t like Italian, it is crazy to buy 2 deals at one time. I thought if at all I don’t like it, I can give/sell the voucher to my colleagues. Also, we just got to be adventurous and challenge ourselves every now and then right? :)

I went with Andrew for the lunch last week. The restaurant is located on the 1st floor in The Mayang. The moment I reached, I was greeted by someone who could remember my name! I did make a reservation, but I didn’t expect them to be expecting and remembering me. When I stepped into the restaurant, I understand why he could remember me. There was only 2 tables occupied, the restaurant was pretty empty. Perhaps I was the only one who made reservation. Hahahahaha.

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Decoration is nice, looks VERY classy! I thought I was in some 5-star hotel restaurant. :) The only problem is, in a restaurant with less than 10 patrons and with that kind of atmosphere, you have to literally whisper so that you won’t look like some “sakai” coming from the jungle. @__@ Imagine if you were to come with a group of friends, it would be pretty “uncomfortable” to even just talk or laugh louder. I didn’t even dare to stand up and walk around to take photos.

I am really sorry that I didn’t get the name of the man who served us. Andrew and I had problems choosing the food, because we weren’t given a menu. The man just told us, “for appetiser today we have…… for main we have……” Gosh…… I wonder why can’t they just give us the set lunch menu. I felt so embarrassed to have to keep asking him to repeat and “what is that”. -__- Lucky that he was pretty patient and polite with us, although I did see a tint of annoyance on his face.

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Set lunch is actually a 3-course meal. We were so surprised when the waiter came and serve us this home smoked tuna with beetroot and horseradish. Heard the waiter mumbled something, I guessed he meant complimentary. It’s a small piece of tuna wrapped with beetroot and horseradish sauce. I took out my handphone, took a photo of it, admiring the tiny piece of tuna and talking to Andrew about how big the plate is for such a small piece of tuna…… And suddenly I realised something, the waiter was still standing beside our table waiting for us to EAT it! @__@ He was staring at us, with the stare that told us to “quickly eat it”! So, I popped the tuna into my mouth. Oh boy…… It tastes so fresh! The beetroot is crunchy and the horseradish adds another layer of flavour to the whole thing. My goodness, I wish I could have second one! Soon after I finished the tuna, the waiter was so quick to take (or I should say snatch) away the plate. @__@ What is this? I don’t appreciate this kind of “efficiency”.

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Then we were served their homemade bread which also tastes heavenly. It is warm , the skin is so crunchy but it is so fluffy on the inside! None of the Italian restaurants that I’ve been to served warm bread! It is by far the tastiest bread I have ever had in an Italian restaurant. I so wanted to go for a second piece but I know I gotta keep some room in my stomach for the food later. The vinegar and virgin olive oil that comes with it taste better than those others that I’ve tried before. I am really impressed with their quality.

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Here comes the appetiser! Andrew went for the salad, which I don’t know the name. Hahahaha. There is some red crunchy stuff in the salad, we can’t quite figure out what it is. Tastes like bacon, but also tastes like beef, or ham…… Nothing to shout about with this salad, only good is it is VERY fresh.

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I am a soup person, so it is only natural that I chose soup. It is leek and potato soup. Sorry to say, I don’t really fancy the texture. It tastes more like runny mashed potato with leek. Unique combination of leek and potato, but it doesn’t have that “omph” chemistry.

As for the main course, we were given three choices, squid ink pasta, or sea-bass fillet, or meat platter (grilled lamb sausage, beef and chicken). I so wanted to try the squid ink pasta (I’ve been missing it since the first time I tried it last year) but I gotta stop taking so much of dairy products as my rashes is coming back. So, I got a bit more adventurous and chose the meat platter while Andrew went for the fish.

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Andrew said the fish is just so-so. I had a bite, the fish has this strong “fishy” taste which I don’t like. No doubt it is fresh, but I don’t like fish that leaves the after-taste in my mouth that makes me feel like I’ve eaten the fish raw.

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My meat platter on the other hand, is heavenly delicious! I only took a bite of the lamb sausage, I can now officially pronounce that I SERIOUSLY do not love lamb. I thought the lamb would “stink” lesser in the form of sausage, I was wrong. I could still taste the smell and I quickly chucked the remaining of the sausage to Andrew. To me, it is stinky lamb. To him, it is the aroma of the lamb. @__@ The beef is so delicious!!! It was nicely grilled, medium I would say. The meat was so tender. I enjoyed every bite of it and secretly wishing it to be of larger piece. Hahahaha. After I finished the beef, the 2 pieces chicken (perhaps I took a long time to finish the beef) were kind of cold. However, it still tastes nice. The skin is crunchy and the meat isn’t hard and dry. They used a lot of rosemary (which I find excessive) on the chicken. The strip of the gravy on the side of the plate is just not enough for me. Wish they could give more of that.

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Ta-da! Here’s the dessert! I believe it is pannacotta. The waiter didn’t say anything and I was too shy to ask. :D Both Andrew and I got the same dessert, so there isn’t a need for him to say anything. First spoon, oh dear…… My eyes went wide and immediately I went for the second spoon. MMMMM…… I was urging Andrew to stop texting and quickly eat his dessert! It tastes so yummy!!! I can’t really describe it, you’ll have to taste it to feel it. However, I got kind of sick of it towards the end. Lucky that it is small. That’s the beauty of dessert, it is small. :) They know you’ll get sick of it at the end if you were to eat a lot of it and you’ll definitely leave a bad comment. :)

All in all, I would give Il Lido 4.5 stars out of 5. My favorite Italian at the moment. Now, I can say I like Italian cuisine. :)

Will be going for dinner again this Wednesday. Yippie! :D

好男人。好难人。

俗话说,做人难,做好人更难。

我说,做女人更是难上加难。做好女人简直是超级难!

做男人呢?

坏男人总是被人说成是有性格。

好男人在现今社会简直就是濒临绝种了。

坏男人伤透了女人的心。

好男人何尝不是?!

谁说好男人就是任由女人欺负?

好男人也会伤女人的心!而且还是伤的最深!

好男人,对谁都好。把自己的女人摆在最后一位。

好男人,不善拒绝。把自己的女人冷落一边。

好男人,左右为难。令自己的女人里外不是人。

好男人,吞吞吐吐。让自己的女人磨耐性。

好男人,拖泥带水。叫自己的女人不得不自作决定。

好男人,优柔寡断。害自己的女人浪费青春。

看吧,好男人最终也只是难为别人。

说得好听就是好男人。

说难听点,只是个柔柔弱弱的男人。

好男人,好男人。。。

好难人啊!!!

后记:见过人家口里、眼里的好男人,可老婆却总是在受苦。有些最终还是搞婚外情、闹家变、搞离婚。好男人么?好男人的话怎么还会抛妻弃子、让老婆受苦、受伤?!我不敢说Andrew是个好男人。他人好,但不是好男人。我也不想他做好男人。只要有责任心,对我负责,就够了。我才不想他哪天回家跟我说他是个好男人,所以要对别的女人负责!我是自私的女人,我不准我的男人做大家的好男人。

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Photo taken by Ashley

A Year Wiser

My surprises started since 12am, 1 April 2013.

Cheeky Andrew came into the bedroom, with his right hand clenched.

Andrew: Come, give me your hand. I have something for you.
Me: *Wide eye* HUH?! Eeeeeee!!! What’s in your hand???!!! Don’t want! Must be “kar juak” (cockroach in hokkien)!!! You just want to trick me!!! Don’t want!!!
Andrew: Aiyoooo…… Come lah!!!
Me: Don’t want!!! Don’t know what’s inside!!!
Andrew: NAH!!!! *He opened his hand and took out the pendant*
Me: Ohhhhh…… Hehe…… Thank you ah.
Andrew: What lah you…… “kar juak” pulak……

Not that I don’t trust him, he is just too cheeky at times and I gotta learn to “protect” myself from all his tricks. :P

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It’s another charm pendant from Thomas Sabo. He wanted to buy the same one that I lost, which he gave me during one of the Valentine’s Day years ago, but it is no longer in the production. :( Really clumsy me, how could I have lost the first ever charm from him! The most precious one…… *Cries*

Few weeks ago, I’ve bought a beauty box for myself. Did not expect to receive it right on this day though. Was so excited and happy to receive it yesterday! It smells so pleasant the moment I open the box! Ahh…… What a pleasant pick-me-up. First time I bought myself a birthday gift. Hahaha. Never thought that it would feel so nice to receive a gift from myself! Guess I should do this every year, buy something as a gift and have it delivered to myself. :D

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Beauty box from TheLilacBox.

During lunch time, I got another surprise. When a close friend asked me for my office address last week I already knew she was up to something. What I did not expect was the gift! Never would I have thought that they would send me a bouquet of flowers! Flowers from my girl-friends! This is another first! Aww…… I’m so touched. So sweet of them to surprise me with such a lovely gift. Now, who said you could only be surprised with flowers from your partner/spouse? ;) Girl-friends know how to sweep you off your feet, too!

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I actually thought the flowers were from Andrew, ’cause there wasn’t any card attached. Hahaha. You girls really fooled me lor, on April Fools’ Day! Really love the fa-wer!!! I couldn’t help but smile whenever I see this photo, even right now when I’m writing this.

Girl-friends rock! XOXO

The Home That The Heart Desires

Yesterday, at 4.46pm, my heart literally stopped for 2 seconds when I saw my father’s number on my handphone screen.

My family doesn’t always call me at this kind of “odd” hours, mom will usually call me at night and dad will usually call me in the morning. My sisters will usually call me in the evening. I have had calls from them at unusual hours and it often turned out to be bad news.

All sorts of bad stuff crossed my mind, it must have been urgent or bad for dad to call me at 4.46pm, unusual! I braced myself to answer the call, and I heard mom’s voice. Geez! I got even more worried. Why couldn’t dad call me from his phone and mom had to do that for him?!

“Hello… It’s your father……” My goodness…… What happened to him?!

“Nothing lah…… Just that he can’t walk or sit since few days ago……” Oh dear, by this time I already felt like crying. Although mom tried to make it sound like it ain’t serious, but she was torturing me with her story-telling.

I’m gonna save you from my mom’s story-telling, so you’re not going to read all the dramas here. :)

My father suffered a severe lower back pain few days ago that he couldn’t sit and walk. Went to acupuncture and a few other doctors and things didn’t get better. So my sister sent him to a specialist and the doctor did an MRI scan, found that his inter-vertebral disc in his lower back has hardened due to old age and bone spurs that suppressed on his nerves. Doctor later found out from my dad that the severe back pain was mainly caused by his incorrect sitting posture while he was on his massage chair!

Dad bought this massage chair before Chinese new year and he has been having a hell of a good time on that chair ever since. Almost everyday he would sit on that chair reading newspaper, with one leg rested on another. Doctor said that his posture caused the lower back to sustain more pressure and slowly caused his degenerated inter-vertebral disc and bone spurs to act up. -__- The doctor suggested him to go through some physiotherapy to ease the condition.

So, massage chair isn’t really all that good huh.

Feel so sad that my parents are ageing faster than I thought.

Feel helpless that I can’t do anything.

Feel frustrated that I can’t be by their side when things like this happen.

The only thing I can do is, to go back more often to see them.

In fact, every time I go back, I’m finding it harder to leave them. The moment I return to KL, I start missing them.

I’ll get so miserable if I don’t see them for more than a month.

The older I get, the more my heart desires to go home.

I guess this is what they always say, home is always where your heart is.

I’m going home next week. Just the thought of it is enough to make me feel delighted. :)

IDIOTS

Do you believe that the more you deal with idiots, the more likely you will become one too?

What do you do when you’re surrounded by idiots?

I still can’t seem to handle idiots well. I still get agitated by them. Especially when they do idiotic stuff that really push me to the edge. ARGH! Someone said don’t argue with idiots, they will drag you down to their level and beat you with it. It is easier said than done. :(

Recently, I start to feel like I am an idiot too. :(

If I were any smarter, I would have gotten out of this hell hole and stop complaining.

My heart is singing,

Somebody save me
Let your warm hands break right through it
Somebody save me
I don’t care how you do it, just stay, stay
C’mon, I’ve been waiting for you.

When will my superman come to my rescue? T__T

Hada Labo Super Hyaluronic Acid

Thanks to my friend, Vanessa who informed me that Hada Labo was giving away a 9ml Moisturising sample for those who registered. I registered out of fun.

Few weeks ago, I received the sample which I’ve totally forgotten. Can you believe that they sent it via post? I thought we would have to go to some counter to collect it, I was waiting for a SMS or something. Instead, they mailed it. Right to your doorstep. Awesome service.

In the envelope, I also received a leaflet with a code. It says that the code will entitle me to some discount on the products. Sorry, I can’t remember how much discount I got. Hahahahaha. I threw the leaflet after I made my purchase. :P I think it was either 20% or 30% off the normal price.

I was surprised to see that the prices of the products are relatively reasonable and affordable. I’m not interested in the whitening and lifting range, and I’m a bit allergic to AHA+BHA. So, I only concentrate on their moisturising range.

Hyaluronic Acid is famous for its moisturising function and it is proven on my skin that it is indeed VERY moisturising. I’ve tried The Face Shop Hyaluronic Acid masks and loved it so much. I guess the SUPER Hyaluronic Acid from Hada Labo would be even more moisturising then. Super wor, must be lah.

I bought 4 Super Hyaluronic Acid products.

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My Clinique cleansing oil finished few months ago, am now using the cleansing foam which I bought in Korea and it is also finishing. So I thought might as well try Hada Labo’s cleansing oil. It’s only RM35 after discount! No harm trying.

I am very particular with facial wash. I’ve tried other brands but I would always go back to Clinique. Other brands are either too oily or  too dry, only Clinique’s liquid facial soap has that “just right” feel. The best part is, one bottle of 200ml can last me for more than 9 months. :D Thinking of giving this Hada Labo Moisturising Face Wash a try. Since it says that it is moisturising, guess it couldn’t be that bad. After discount, I only paid RM20 for it. DIRT CHEAP!

I’ve read a lot of good reviews on this Moisturising Milk and Moisturising Cream. I didn’t know what’s the difference until I Googled them. Found a blogger who did a comparison between the two. Her verdict was to use the milk during day time and to use the cream during night time. I am already using two moisturisers for day and night. So, I don’t mind the same routine. After discount, RM39 for the Moisturising Milk and RM41 for Moisturising Cream. Adoih…… So cheap!!! If at all they’re not good on the face, I can use them on my hands, right?!

Four products, only costs me RM135! I could hardly buy 2 products in Clinique with that money!

I didn’t purchase the hot selling Moisturising Lotion though. I am already using SKII Treatment Essence and Clinique’s Repairwear Laser Focus serum, don’t feel like stopping them. If I were to add the lotion in, gosh, how many products I have to put on my face?!

Today, I’ve received all the products, and I’m gonna start using them. Hope Hada Labo won’t disappoint me. Few weeks later, we will know. :)

Johor Premium Outlet

During the long Chinese New Year holiday, Andrew and I decided to make a trip to Johor Premium Outlet (JPO). As a Johorian myself, how can I not visit it.

It’s located in Senai, took us one and a half hour from Batu Pahat.

The moment I saw it, I was shocked. It looks so similar to the Paju Premium Outlet in South Korea! Even the color tone of the buildings looks the same. The layout and design are almost identical! I wonder, if the developer/owner is the same person.

Went with my eldest sister and her youngest son. Both of us were busy checking out the prices, while Andrew and my nephew were busy checking out the places and fooling around. My nephew kept asking us if we were done. This is what you get when you have a young boy tagging along in a shopping trip. However, he is sweet enough to just tag along and not whining. In between we would just buy him drinks, snacks, play around…… He is so easy to please. :)

Price wise, sorry to say that I did not find the prices attractive enough. They’re more expensive than Paju Premium Outlet. Of course, you may say that Paju is in South Korea, but I wouldn’t spend RM200 for a Ralph Lauren Polo t-shirt here in Malaysia where I know I can get it for RM130 in Paju. 3 pairs of Nike socks cost RM49, where I only got them for RM24 in Paju and of better quality.

Coach ain’t a lot cheaper than the retail store too. A wallet still cost RM350-RM500, a non-leather shoulder bag/tote still needs RM1500-RM2000. Imagine I got a shoulder/sling bag in Hong Kong for RM850.

Despite that I was disappointed, we spent 6 hours there! We had our lunch and dinner in the one and only food court there, with limited varieties. Sigh.

Actually, I still enjoyed the trip, all because I get to spend time with my sister and nephew. It’s been a while since I last travelled with her, the last time was 2 years ago when I went to Melaka to visit her. We had fun doing all the silly stuff. Travelling with your own sister definitely makes you feel young and naughty again. :)

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I managed to grab 2 bikinis from Roxy, RM99.90 per set, to my surprise, buy one free one! That is the only bargain that is worth buying. I was so over the cloud nine. If you know the prices of Roxy bikinis, you would go crazy over this bargain.

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Also gotten a collar tee from Nike, RM79.

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Now, here’s my nephew. He’s such an adorable heartthrob! He did all the posing without us telling him what to do. He just knows how to pose! I couldn’t help but smile when I see these photos again. :)

Freaking Busy

I am so sorry for the lack of activities here.

I’ve been extremely busy with both my work and personal life.

Been busy preparing for the company’s dinner, which is tonight. It’s all about dinner, dinner and dinner since January. On top of that, I have my daily work and other deadlines to take care of. I think I am going crazy if things continue to move in this pace.

I am not doing everything alone, I have others to help. However, things will either end up getting messed up, delayed or not as expected. Most of the times I’m cleaning up the mess, making calls, chasing for answers, making decisions for others and worse, take everything back and do it on my own. I’m not trying to say that they’re not doing their job, it’s just that if I can’t get things done the way I want, what’s the point of delegating then? If I have to make all the decisions, why do I delegate then? Perhaps, I’m not a good team player and leader. :(

Grandma passed away last Thursday. :( She had a fall on Chinese New Year’s eve. Her health deteriorated since then. It was so heart-breaking to see her lying there getting weaker and weaker and there was nothing we could do. She was still responding to my words and all of us thought she would get better. We were very close to her when we were kids and now that she’s gone. Mom was so devastated. I felt even sadder to see mom so heart-broken. She is so thin now……

I was so busy at work, that I did not even have time to grief or cry when I received the news. I had to swallow all my tears and finished my work before I headed home. No one except my superior in the workplace knows about the news. I am sad that no one cares about how I feel at work, but I am also proud that I could hide my emotions so well that no one knows what’s happening.

Sometimes, you just gotta go through some difficult times to see people/things clearer.

Sometimes, you just gotta experience the heart-breaking moments to appreciate what is important.

Sometimes, you just gotta swallow it all, and live on.

How great life is, constantly busy dealing with our own emotions and feelings. On top of that, we still have to take care of the feelings of others. How tired life is.

P.S.: You’ll perhaps continue to see more inactivity here. After the dinner I will have another project to work on and the deadline is in a month’s time. I will try to write, I will try.

CZ12 成龙与十二生肖

成龙的第一百零一部戏,十二生肖,我和Andrew怎能不捧场?:)

有些人说不是很好看,我有同感,却也不完全赞同。和警察故事比的话,当然十二生肖就差好多。可是,成龙有些戏就是这样的纯粹耍把戏,故事好不好倒是其次。一部戏下来,耍耍功夫、跑跑跳跳、乱抛幽默,都是成龙的戏里的一贯作风。不需要作比较,成龙的戏,就是这样。好不好看,在于你是以什么心态去看。想看成龙正经八百、认真的戏,十二生肖肯定不适合你。

戏开场的前半段,倒是满闷的。老是在说话,太多废话了。好多东西都说得那么白,一点想象空间也没有。就好像在看纪录片。-___-

还好,后来的动作和搞笑片断很令人满意。好多片断都让我笑破了肚皮,Andrew差点想捂住我的嘴巴要我别笑那么大声。哈哈哈哈。

成龙还是成龙,虽然看得出他的身手不如从前那般利落有力,却也还是让我们不禁的啧啧称赞。

戏里有位女主角,不只漂亮,还很能打。看上去不像是初学武打动作的人。Google一下她的名字,张蓝心,2004年中国跆拳道全国冠军!难得的是长得很高挑漂亮!厉害啊。

看见权相佑的时候让我吓了一跳。还以为是长得很像权相佑的新人,再看几眼才确定是他。完完全全没想到韩国影星会出现在电影里,更没想到权相佑会说华语!

整部戏看下来,满多惊喜地。故事虽然是弱了些,戏还算好。

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