I believe most of us know him from The Fast and The Furious. He was a young lad back then. It was only few months ago that we’ve seen Fast & Furious 6. Now, he’s gone.
Few days ago, I woke up to my Facebook flooded with the bad news. I didn’t want to believe it, I went Google to see if it was a hoax. I was hoping very hard that it was just another hoax that people created. This time, Google disappoints me. The news was already on BBC, it wasn’t a hoax. Within minutes, my Facebook was flooded with pictures of him.
I don’t know why this time a celebrity’s death could make me feel so sad. I was sad when Michael Jackson died, but not like this. I didn’t cry, but I felt the heart-ache. I got teary looking at all the RIP messages on Facebook. It’s weird for me to feel the pain when I don’t know him at all.
Is it because I’ve seen all of the Fast & Furious series? Is it because he was too young? Or I feel sorry for him to die at the peak of his career? Or because I won’t see him in Fast & Furious anymore?
People have been saying that we only remember Paul Walker, but we forgot there’s another person who died, which was his friend, Roger Rodas. Just because he wasn’t famous, nobody seems to notice. According to the website, he was only 38, even younger than Paul Walker.
A lot have also said that Paul Walker was only an average man you could find off the street and he didn’t deserve what he was having. Well…… To me, he was still a great actor and someone who did his part to make the world a better place.
Are good people destined to die young?
Too young. Too soon.
Picture from Facebook
To return the favor, it could be either good or bad.
We are taught to return the favor when someone helps us. We are never taught to return the favor when someone is mean to us, or we call it revenge. It is always said that revenge only makes you feeling even more bitter, makes you a hater. Even if you manage to return the favor, you can’t undo what is done.
Unlike returning a good deed, others feel happy and you feel happier. Returning the favor should be a circle, it goes round and round, on and on, it should never stop. We often feel elated when we help someone and the world could always use an extra helping hand.
We are also told that to treat people how you would want to be treated, never do unto others what you don’t want others to do unto you. Recently, I saw the photo below on Facebook and I laughed. I laughed, and I concurred.
When the other person doesn’t really care about me, I feel that it is only wasting time to continue to show that I care. Someone said, keep showing them the love since they may need it. Hell with that. I’m not a saint. I can’t love someone who constantly treats me like a doormat. I may or may not return the favor, but I will certainly distant myself from that person, either physically or emotionally.
A very simple rule, you treat me nice, and I’ll treat you the same. When you are mean to me, please don’t expect me to be an angel. When I turn my back on you, you should know damn well that it is time for you to walk out of my life. Don’t go around telling others how I have failed you, remember, it works both way.
Have you ever revenged? Was it really “sweet revenge”?
When I was reading Dan’s blog, We Shouldn’t Be Friends by Any Account, the people that came to my mind were them:
More often than not, we make most of our friends when we are in school. Those friends, are our classmates, also partners in crimes, and friends. When we go to college, we make new friends too, if you’re lucky. When we start working, we have co-workers/colleagues, some of these people become our friends too. You see, the places where we make new friends, are pretty much, predictable. Of course, there are examples of making new friends over the internet and some other strange places. For me, I met this bunch of incredible people in a wedding forum.
It started with us ladies, planning our weddings. We needed information, where else to go to when the world wide web is the easiest and fastest way. We joined this wedding forum, we exchanged ideas, information, advices, thoughts, opinions, jokes, tears…… Five of us, got especially close to each other. Why? I don’t know.
Then, it blossomed into real-life friends. We met up, with the rest of the bride-to-be’s. However, five of us would meet more frequent. We even had our own chat group on MSN and every night we would gather at 8pm or 9pm and chat. We talked about everything under the sky and we laughed at almost every joke.
In between, things happened. Can’t remember what exactly, I’d like to think that’s just how things work.
First, it was only us, the ladies. We’re not really close in age. Our age gap is in between 3 to 6 years. We also come from different places and we were brought up in different culture. We are actually very different. Somehow, we click. Not in a million years I thought I could be friends with them.
Melissa, aka Mel Mel, is the “gentle” one among us. She laughs, she jokes, she talks, but she’s never loud. Once in a while she will say something that crack all of us up big time. She LOVES food, and she doesn’t like HOT. However, she would go under the hot sun for food. Hahahahaha. Usually, I will snort at this sort of “puteri lilin”. C’mon lah, you’re living in Malaysia, if you can’t stand the sun and hot weather, where else can you go? But, we are still friends. The rest of us will always make fun of her “puteri lilin” side, but she’s cool with that.
Wan Yi, we call her “Ah Yi” most of the times. :P She has the loudest laugh!!! When she gets excited, she will laugh so loud that we all at one point think the walls are going to collapse! She’s the youngest among us, we all sometimes treat her like lil’ sister. She is Singaporean. You know, I’m very sceptical towards Singaporean. I usually can’t stand them. To top that, Wan Yi is so much younger than me, she’s even younger than my younger sister. I don’t always click with “small” sister. But well, we are still friends. She has a big heart, she can take whatever crap this BIG sister throws at her. :p
There’s Nicole, we nicknamed her “Ah Nic”. She can cook and bake good stuff! We used to go to her home and eat! Hahahaha. And Wii-ing together. I don’t see her as often as the rest, but we still keep in touch. She will always make effort to meet us. I don’t usually have a lot to talk to friends that I don’t see regularly. You know, that awkward moment when you meet a friend that you didn’t see for a long time, you go “hello, how are you”, and the silence that follows…… Somehow, Nicole is an exception.
Honestly, they’re not exactly the type of friends I would be seen associated with if you look at my personality. However, it turned out that they’re the closest friends that I now have. We don’t get jealous of each other, we don’t badmouth each other, we don’t lie to each other…… We agree, but we also disagree. We have good and bad times, but our hearts still bring us together. I guess Dan is true in saying, friends just kind of “happen.”
Over the time, we include our husbands. Surprisingly, our husbands get along just fine. We often go out and travel together. We don’t really care how much the other person is earning and the background, so long as we are happy together.
Friends, may not always be there. So, be grateful when they are.
I used to have a lot of friends, good friends, best friends…… Most of them are history now. I wish someone could have told me when I was much younger that true friends show up only when you’re in trouble. That would have prepared me for all the heartaches.
A while back, someone on Facebook shared Dan Pearce’s blog post on 25 more of the Creepiest Things Ever Said by Kids. I’ve been following his blog ever since.
Today, I read this, Pulled from the Truth Box – Week 29.
“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a great battle.” ~Philo of Alexandria
He started the post with the above. How apt.
I was surprised and sad that people are not what we think they are. They are going through things which we would never have thought. We only see things on the surface and we make our own judgements and assumptions from that. How shallow we are.
We often want others to understand what we are going through, but we fail to understand what others are really going through. We see a happy face that someone puts up, immediately we think that he is fine now and everything is back to normal again. We fail to recognise the fact that it is so easy to hide our true emotions or secrets if we really try.
Look at those confessions, some of them clearly need help. However, no one can help them if they continue to keep their secrets, a secret. Why is it so hard for someone to say that they need help? Are people around them so cruel that they refuse to help? I can’t imagine what they are going through…… It must be very difficult to hide all of it and show the opposite. No wonder the rate of suicide is so high. :(
I too hide things, especially from my colleagues. They don’t know what I’m going through in life. They hardly know me, except the part of me that they see at work. I don’t hide my true self from them on purpose, it’s just that I see no need to show them that side of me.
I have one confession that I would like to make here, in the blogosphere, to the whole world.
What everyone thinks is true:
I am a strong and confident person that I can take any challenge life throws at me.
What actually is true:
I don’t want the world to see me cry, so I cry in the bathroom when I’m tired of pretending that I am strong.
Don’t be disturbed by what I wrote above. I am perfectly fine.
Now, people, don’t go and judge someone when you don’t know the story behind. Remember, you can hurt someone badly when he’s already so wounded. “We all are fighting our own great battles”, be kind to everyone.
Few days ago, I saw a few of my friends on Facebook sharing and agreeing to this blog post by Seth Adam Smith, Marriage Isn’t For you. I read through, and I can’t seem to bring myself to agree with him like the rest.
Most of the times, we ask ourselves, why do I want to marry him/her? The answers, would always come to this, “I love her so much that I want to spend the rest of my life with her building our own family”. This statement alone, is a selfish one. Selfish, yet loving.
The moment someone decides to marry someone, that, is already a selfish decision. Marriage, is a promise to be loyal and faithful to one person till the day you die. By marrying someone, you are asking the other person to give up other courters now and in the future. Isn’t that selfish?
Marriage, is also a commitment. You commit to love and care for each other. We expect love and care from our spouse, because it works both ways. We walk into this marriage knowing very well that the other person will love and care for us, and vice versa. So, isn’t that selfish?
Most of us (if not all of us), married for love. We have heard or read many stories that couples went against their parents to marry someone that they truly love. That, is selfish, isn’t it?
“Love is about the person you love.” Yes, of course it is. Don’t we all know that? However, if loving someone doesn’t make me happy anymore, why should I continue to love selflessly? Love, is a two way street. Now, isn’t that selfish?
In the process of making someone happy, I hope that I will feel happy too. If I feel miserable while making my spouse feeling happy, what is the point? I certainly do not wish Andrew to feel miserable too while making me feel happy. We do things that make both of us happy. Well, from the look of it, isn’t that selfish?
To me, marriage is for US. So yes, marriage is for YOU.
It is not about family, or our future children. It is for me, right here, right now. I may not have children, but I know for sure I want this marriage to last as long as it can possibly last. As long as I can love, I will love. As long as I am happy to make him happy, I will give. As long as he is happy to make me happy, I will receive.
Marriage is selfish, because it is about the two persons who love each other, ONLY.
Marriage is selfish, because two persons have to compromise to make it work.
Marriage is selfish, because it is a journey of constant efforts that two persons have to make.
Marriage is for US, and only us. If you are not ready to love, compromise and work, then marriage isn’t for you.
Hong Lagoon, Krabi, 2013
P.S.: Haven’t we always heard, you have to learn to love yourself before you learn how to love others better? Love is selfish. It is an act that we do, hoping that we would earn the love from another person. I love myself. That means I will only love someone who will love me in return. I love myself enough to know that I shouldn’t love someone who can’t love me in return. Only our parents and God love us selflessly.
At this age, I am still learning how to be more sensitive towards the feelings of others. At the same time, not to be overly sensitive over what insensitive people say and do.
Well, we are only human beings. We have feelings, and we feel hurt. We can’t help it, even when we keep telling ourselves “don’t”.
It still beats me to this day that why some people can be so insensitive. No, they are sensitive too, but they are insensitive towards others’ feelings.
These people, they do not like being questioned by others. However, they enjoy asking the same questions to others and causing pain. Here’s the example:
Miss X: Hey, when are you going to have your own baby? What are you waiting for? You’re not that young anymore, you know.
Miss Y: I think it’s none of your business. (Feeling sore and miserable by the questions.)
Miss Y: Hey, when are you going to have your own baby? What are you waiting for? You’re not that young anymore, you know.
Miss Z: Ermm…… I’m trying……
Miss X: When are you getting married? You two have been together for so long, it’s time, you know.
Miss Y: Well, he has yet to ask me to marry him. (Feeling more upset that Miss X pointed out the fact.)
Miss Y: When are you getting married? You two have been together for so long, it’s time, you know.
Miss Z: Ermm…… Soon……
They feel the pain of their own, yet they go on to cause the same pain on others. Why on earth would someone who is feeling the pain hurt another person to feel the pain too? What human beings are they? Don’t they know you “do not do unto others what you do not want others to do unto you”???? Is this some sort of revenge for what they’re going through? Or are they happier to see others suffer???
Just recently, I was craving for cakes and I wrote on my Facebook wall that I lost my appetite on food except cakes. Some commented that I am pregnant to have such cravings. Since when food cravings are limited to pregnant women only, for crying out loud?! My food cravings always come and go, don’t tell me you never have food cravings even when you’re not pregnant!
You know what is the pain about asking me if I was pregnant for having such cravings? You did not know that I just had a miscarriage. You did not know what I had gone through but you brilliantly went on to ask if I was pregnant. THAT, my dear, is the pain. I don’t blame you for not knowing what I went through, I only blame you for being so insensitive to judge and assume. If I hadn’t gone through a miscarriage, I too would have felt the pain because obviously, I wasn’t pregnant. And yes, you smarty pants just rang the bell of pain for me not being able to get pregnant. You could have just told me where to find delicious cakes to curb my cravings instead of bringing up the pregnancy stuff.
I deleted my status soon after that, because I do not want to see those questions again. Once again it proved that Facebook is such an evil place. I have to keep reminding myself not to post anything too personal anymore.
Everyone makes their own choices. We don’t usually like others to probe, but please don’t go probing too. You don’t know what others are going through and even if you think you know, you may not know it all. Some questions are better left unasked. What do you get even if you know the answer??? You get absolutely nothing. So what if you know??? You feel happy or sad for them??? Then, what can you do??? Absolutely nothing. Don’t cause pain when you know you can avoid it.
Next time, before you ask that question, ask yourself, has that anything to do with you?
Oh, if your friend wants you to know, you don’t even have to ask.
P.S.: I am glad that I have a few close friends that never ever ask me when am I planning to have a baby. It isn’t that they don’t care, they just know there’s no need to ask. Aren’t you grateful to have met friends like this? These are the people that I love surrounding myself with.
Sorry for the lack of updates here. October was clearly not a good month for me. The same thing happened last year, it happened again this year. I start to hate October. I wish someone could take out October.
I thought this time would be different, because I did feel a little different. I was wrong.
I was pregnant and I miscarried. This time, it was worse. I was 10 weeks when the foetus stopped growing, and I didn’t miscarry naturally. I had to go through a D&C to get rid of the pregnancy.
It was raining, on the day I got the bad news. I couldn’t help but blamed the god, if you’ve given me this gift, why did you have to take it away? Don’t give me something and take it back later! Don’t come tell me that you’re sorry that it was not meant to be.
I went from being sad to mad. I grieved, I blamed, I wondered, and finally, I got over it. All within a week.
I was surprised that this time, I coped so well.
Sometimes, I couldn’t help but think, would things be different if I were to go to the gynae that I’m seeing now? I should have gone to this gynae instead of the other one…… I shouldn’t have waited……
Now, there is still this tiny bit of sadness in the back of my mind. Two miscarriages…… How can I not feel sad? One put me in an operating theatre for the first time in my life…… How can I ever forget that?
The bad news, the D&C, the long medical leave, the pain, the recovery…… All happened in the month of October.
Please, can someone make me forget OCTOBER?
The child, that was not meant to be. Mommy loves you and you are always in my heart. Goodbye my angel, please watch over us.
She is offended
I become speechless
I do it
She does it
I must compliment
I am angry
She calls me sensitive
She is angry
I have to say sorry
I make mistake
She says idiot
She makes mistake
I must forgive
I say no
She says stubborn
She says no
I shall be grateful
She says weird
I must agree
Not everyone understands
It is never fair
Not everyone sees
It is difficult
To be that someone
Who is always at the other end
Being told, “it is never fair”
Sometimes, I wish people would stop saying “it is never fair” to justify their unfair treatments towards others. I so wish to ask them, “can I then be unfair to you since it is never fair?”
I can’t stand to fly
I’m not that naive
I’m just out to find
The better part of me
It may sound absurd but don’t be naive
Even heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed but won’t you concede
Even heroes have the right to dream
And it’s not easy to be me
~ Superman, Five For Fighting
Suddenly, it just rang in my head.
It’s not easy, to be me.
I am no hero,
I am no saint.
However, it’s not easy.
I am not even trying to be perfect,
And it is already so hard.
I am not complaining.
For I know there are people,
Who are experiencing things far worse.
I am merely self-reflecting.
If everyone could treat everyone,
With real respect and love,
It would be much easier.
For all of us,
To be REAL.
You have to be real to others,
Before others can be real to you.
Photo taken by Andrew, on Samsung Galaxy S3.
I haven’t been blogging for a while.
I miss writing. I miss ME in writing. I think better and clearer when I write, and it takes things off my mind for a while. I usually return to my daily routine with a happier thought right after blogging/writing.
Not writing recently, has kind of made me sour.
Not writing means I don’t spend time to gather my thoughts. They are everywhere and because of that, I sulk very often lately.
I think a lot about work, until I couldn’t find my way out. I am still figuring what I should do next. I’ve sort of given myself another 2 years, but I am not happy with that. I am so tired of giving myself another year and another year, and keep telling myself things will get better. In fact, I am so tired of giving myself excuses.
I want to find my passion in doing something again. I need to find that spark again, so that I can move on instead of standing here. I hate myself not being passionate about something, this is not me. I am always passionate about something and I will always find ways to achieve something. Me running in circle and see no end? This is not me, so not me.
I feel sad very easy since more than a month ago. The trip to Krabi couldn’t even lift my spirit. I did feel happy when I was on vacation, but the sadness caught up very quickly as soon as I returned. Sad about what? I am not very sure. Partly work, partly myself. I feel sad that I feel helpless. I feel sad that I am not myself. I feel sad that I am sad. There were a few times I would cry for no apparent reason.
I am very, very, very tired of playing another Ashley, the Ashley at work. Seven years, I’ve toned down a lot in terms of my temper, yet it is still not enough. People still expect me to show no temper at all, that I shouldn’t get upset of what they said to me even when it is mean. People still think that I am not good enough. They still think that I am still that stubborn cow seven years ago. They still say that I am petty and sensitive. I am known for my temper, but I am not petty and sensitive. Now you see, they say things about me. I am only human, just like every one else. I have emotions too. I am very tired of trying to be better in front of them. I am very tired that I can’t be myself in front of them. It gets to me so much now that I get really tired to talk in front of them. I am just getting extremely tired of being someone that I am not. I have cried to Andrew that why do I need to put myself so low to be accepted by others? I can’t do it. I just can’t.
All I want to be is the REAL me. I don’t think I am a bad person to deserve ill treatments and bad-mouthing. We are not perfect, I am not trying to be perfect. I am only trying to be better. How can you keep telling me that I am not perfect when you yourself are not perfect either?
How can you expect me to be emotionless when you yourself are sensitive?
How can you expect me to swallow it all when you couldn’t take it at all?
How can you expect me to be tactful when the first thing you said is already so hurtful?
How can you expect me to be truthful when you are the one who go behind my back and talk?
How can you expect me to forgive when you hold grudges?
I am only human. Don’t expect me to be all the things that you are not just because, you are not.
This is what writing does to me, I feel a little relieved now. I can now channel my negative energy somewhere else.
Tomorrow is always a new day, I always believe in that.
And tomorrow, I shall write again. :)
It’s been weeks since I last blogged.
I miss writing, I definitely do. It’s just I don’t have the luxury of time to sit and think, and reflect. I sometimes get scared that the time goes by so fast and I have not done enough to achieve what I want to achieve. Frustration is catching up real fast… and stress.
I have always pride myself for able to deal with my stress beautifully, but recently I find myself giving in to the stress easily.
I am busy at work, but not that kind of busy that I will bury myself in work until I forgot to take my lunch or having a break. However, the stress level is very high. Tasks that cannot be done within the deadlines, outstanding issues that cannot be solved within a short period of time, prolonged issues from the past that keep haunting me every now and then, ad-hoc stuffs that required more attention and time, important but not urgent tasks that need more time than the rest, ongoing projects or assignments that can’t seem to end, people problems or issues that keep creeping back, constantly on my guards for fear that someone would stab me in the back again even-though I know I did not make any mistake……
I used to be passionate about what I’m doing, but I think I lost my passion somewhere along the road.
When you give your passion and effort whole-heartedly, what you get is disappointments and frustrations all the time, you can’t help but feel demotivated. I put in more passion and effort when I feel demotivated. I fuel my motivation from inside, but now I can’t do it anymore. I feel like an empty shell that I have nothing to give anymore, and I have nothing to draw from anymore.
I don’t know where this road will take me if I continue to stay on this path……
The only thing that makes me stay on this path now is the monetary reward, nothing else.
I seriously don’t know how long I can take all this.
I am blessed with a “rounded” body and small frame (I’m not petite thought). That’s saying I don’t look fat even when I really put on weight. That’s the dangerous part. I can cheat and deceive the whole world, even myself, that I am not fat.
Everyone looks at me, and they will go, “you’re so slim!” The truth is, I don’t look fat.
Ok, I’m not fat. So Ashley, what’s the fuss over the big butt now?
Because, I am having a hard time buying new skirt and pants! That’s why!
My mom was shocked too when she took measurements of my hips, “aiyoyo! Why your butt so big?!” Excuse me, mom, you’re the one who gave me this body, remember?
No one believes me when I told them about my hips measurement, “are you serious? Do you know how to measure? Did you measure correctly? Your measuring tape has problem? You certainly don’t look that big…… Please lah, your butt is not that big lah……” :( Why in the world would I lie about that? *Cries*
People usually can’t believe that I’m wearing a size S top but a size M (sometimes size L) bottom. I now start having problem with dresses. Size S dresses can’t seem to fit my butt now and size M will be too loose on the top. :( Unless they’re made of stretchable materials. I have already sent a few of my dresses (which I bought online) for alteration. The butt fits me just fine, but I have to alter the waist. The tailor in the shop said, “you have the right butt, but small waist, that’s why”. @__@
Really, I’m not fat, but I have a BIG butt! TT___TT
Have you ever had that moment, that when your friend posted a photo on Facebook, you feel obligated to click the LIKE button?
It is just a normal than normal photo, you don’t even like the photo, but you click the LIKE button for the sake of liking.
You feel that if you don’t LIKE it, someday your friend’s gonna question you “why you never LIKE my photos”.
Or some will even ask you, “didn’t you see my photo the other day? You never notice me on Facebook. You don’t even care.”
It’s pathetic. Since when our friendship depends on the LIKEs on Facebook?
People say, when the going gets tough, the tough gets going. So, what happens to the not-so-tough ones? They die? Bullshit! I say we are all tough ones to be able to live in this shitty world.
I couldn’t believe how far I’ve come, and I couldn’t believe I’ve put up with this one particular person for so many years!
Being me, the bad-tempered Ashley, I would have become a big bully here. However, that’s not the case!
I could have easily gone down the bully road. That would make my job much easier. Why haven’t I done that????????????
Why do I still put up with someone who constantly threatens me and stay in this hell hole?????????????????
Why do I let someone threatens me in the first place????????????????????
What is wrong with me?????????????????????
How can I being labelled as bad-tempered but yet letting others walk all over me???????
I don’t feel myself anymore.
I sacrificed my true self, so that I could survive.
What else do I need to sacrifice?
No. No more.
I shall now go for the money.
I must get out of this shitty place!
This hopeless place!
First time, in my life, that I am saying, I give up.
This is, hopeless.
P.S.: Pardon my bad mood. Again, I let one person affects my mood. She is just so mean, to the core.
A friend on Facebook shared this, “14 kinds of Facebook people you want to block, but you can’t because they’re sort of your friends“.
I was laughing so hard when I read them. Don’t get me wrong, not that I have a lot of friends like that. I was laughing because I myself am guilty of a few of them. LOL!
I have all 13 kinds of friends on my Facebook, except #11 (lucky me). Yes, it is annoying and irritating sometimes. Nowadays I will just quickly browse through and will only pay more attention to a handful of friends that I am close to.
Actually, there are more than 14 kinds of Facebook people. Allow me to add a few more:
15. The one who always shares photos of deformed/sick babies and believes that “one share = one prayer” or “one like = one cent will be donated”.
16. The lady who likes to publicise her lovey-dovey messages with her husband/boyfriend.
17. The girl who always posts her own photos and calls herself sweet and pretty and comments “I like this” on her own photos.
18. The one who always shares his “check-ins”, even at home.
If I am one of the 14 kinds and if you would like to delete me from you friend list, go ahead. I don’t mind at all. :)
Ahh…… The title seems…… Nope, it’s not about me having an affair with some young chap. LOL! Sorry to disappoint you. XD
About two weeks ago, a young boy came to my house, and he’s living with me ever since.
He’s my eldest sister’s eldest son. Just finished his secondary school with flying colours. His ambition, physiotherapist. I asked him why the other day, he said he wants to do something that is not monotonous, that he can have someone talk to during the process, not some machines that can’t talk back. Hmm…… I didn’t expect that from a young boy. Anyway, I’m glad that he knows what he wants, unlike most of the youngsters nowadays do not have a clue of what they really want.
With him in the house, things changed. I feel like I have a, SON.
My worries start in the morning, everyday.
Every morning, I’ll be worrying if he’s taken his breakfast before he goes to study. I don’t want his gastric to act up.
Then, I’ll worry if he manages to catch the bus on time so that he doesn’t have to wait and won’t be late for his classes.
Also, I’ll worry if he catches the right bus so that he doesn’t have to walk too far.
Come noon, I’ll be thinking if he has his lunch, what he has and if it’s enough to last him till dinner.
Afternoon, I’ll worry again if he catches the right bus on time.
And I’ll worry more whenever I think of the busy road that he has to cross when he goes home.
I’ll worry if some robbers or snatch thieves lay their eyes on him. I’ll worry if he tells me he’s going for a swim. I too will worry if he will open door to strangers.
Evening, before I reach home for dinner, I’ll worry if he is hungry and should I ask him go for dinner first.
During dinner, again I’ll worry if the food is enough to fill his stomach.
Before bed, I’ll check if he has his milk/milo before he goes to bed (that is his habit).
I felt bad when he told me he missed the bus, or he didn’t have lunch, or he walked quite a distance because he took the wrong bus, or he was stuck in the bus for an hour due to the bad traffic, or he was sardine-d in the train because of the peak hours.
I can’t go shopping or movie after work, not that he needs me at home, but I’ll feel guilty for leaving him home alone.
I can’t just skip lunches or dinners during weekends, because I’ll feel guilty to let him eat alone.
I can’t wake up late during weekends too, because I’ll need to make sure he has his breakfast.
I hardly sleep earlier than him, because I’ll need to make sure he doesn’t “need” anything else.
My goodness! Is this how a parent feels when they have a child????????
He’s not even my child and I am already worrying so much. And for goodness’ sake, he is 17!
There’s a reason I treat him this way. My mom took care of him since he was a baby, he’s just like the son that my mother never has the chance to have. He has always been with us, and he is close to us. I feel obligated to take care of him when he comes here for studies. And my sister is less worried since she knows I’ll take good care of him.
However, the life with him in the house is soon coming to an end. This weekend, he will be moving to the rented house near his university. Told him that he can come back any time if he doesn’t like it there.
For the past two weeks, I feel like I am undergoing some crash course of parenting, minus the diaper-changing and milk-feeding. I’m not sure how good I am, all I know is I must take good care of him.
I’m gonna miss him, and I will not stop worrying!
P.S.: When my sister came two weeks ago, I jokingly asked her to give her youngest son (she has 2 sons) to me. She said something which warm my heart, “huh…… My children are your children, if you want to take care you can take them any time. Isn’t that already the way it is for us siblings? Look how we take care of each others’ children.” I thank my mom and dad for teaching us well, the bond between us sisters is so strong.
I’m not really a high-heels person. Whenever I go out, I prefer to wear flats, sandals, sneakers or slippers. I only wear high heels when I go to work and on special occasions.
I didn’t like high heels in the past. I can’t say that I love them now, but I don’t hate them. :)
I started wearing heels when I started work, but the heels were limited to 2 or 3 inches. It is only this few years that I challenged myself to wear 4 inches heels.
I always hold on to this one important rules whenever I buy new shoes or heels, they must be comfortable to walk in.
If I don’t feel comfortable walking in them, I don’t care how pretty they look, I ain’t buying.
Very often I saw girls walking in heels awkwardly. They don’t look elegant and comfortable at all. To me, they’re just torturing themselves. For what? To show that you’ve got taste to buy a pair of pretty heels? Sorry, that to me is silly. You’re walking like a robot and we all know that you’re in pain. Who would still care to see if your shoes are pretty?
Worse, if you trip over by your own heels. :P
When it comes to shoes, I am a fussy pot. Even if it’s just flats, I’ll make sure that they’re comfortable. Although it’s cheap, I wouldn’t even buy them if it’s not comfortable. I’ve learned my lessons the hard way. I’m not someone who would splurge on a pair of shoes just because it LOOKS nice.
You see, I know that a pair of comfortable heels is hard to come by. I often feel very sad when they got worn out or broken. :(
There’s a saying, shoes are like partners, if it’s not the right fit, don’t force it. You’ll end up hurting yourself more than you can imagine. ;)
Oh dear, how to wear these heels????? Can you?
Oooohhh…… This is cool!!! I wonder if Nike really has this.
Heels with platform from Zara. Nah, I don’t wear heels with raised platform on the ball of the feet. I’ll trip. :P
PINK heels!!! I would love to try this. :D From Zara.
Court shoes from Zara. I have a pair of this, no good. Not comfortable ’cause it is pointed front. Only wear this occasionally because I can’t wear long hours in it.
Note: I don’t own these photos.
Majority of us wanted a change. A change in government, a change in direction, and a change in our life.
We made the history again. 80% of the eligible voters voted. First in history. Most of us did the best we could to exercise our rights. Every vote counts and we make sure our votes count.
I voted. I waited.
When I saw the results the next morning, I got restless.
Shocked, surprised, confused, sad, angry…… How could one be overwhelmed with all these feelings at the same time?
I was shocked to see that the results took a sudden turn when I slept.
I was surprised to see that the opposition won so many seats.
I was confused to see what was supposed to be right became wrong.
I was sad to see the racism from our leader.
I was angry that our leader clearly does not understand what his people want.
My heart ached, for the future of the country.
I know that you can’t change the course of a nation over one night. Rome wasn’t built in a day. However, the behavior of our leader makes me sick.
Why can’t he see?
It is never about our races.
It is never about our religions.
It is never about our beliefs.
It is always about, Malaysian.
Please, all we ever ask for is, lead us to the right path, bring us to a better place.
It is always, US. All of US.
Don’t try to divide us. We will never fall for such childish trick.
Don’t try to “color” us. We are “color blind”.
Don’t try to fool us. We are “color blind”, but not blind.
If you still want to remain in power, please be a leader!
Get rid of your muppets that aren’t contributing. They’re making you look like a fool.
Our Jalur Gemilang (Stripes of glory). Do you see the many colors that represent all of us??? We are ONE. We are MALAYSIAN.
Berkibar-kibar di hatiku
Jangan sekali sekala
Berkobar-kobar di hatiku
Jangan sedaya upaya
Selalu di hatiku
Kita anak Malaysia
Kita bersatu padu
P.S.: I am not Chinese, I am MALAYSIAN. My dear PM, if my foreign friends can see me as a Malaysian, why can’t you?