What’s Next?
Majority of us wanted a change. A change in government, a change in direction, and a change in our life.
We made the history again. 80% of the eligible voters voted. First in history. Most of us did the best we could to exercise our rights. Every vote counts and we make sure our votes count.
I voted. I waited.
When I saw the results the next morning, I got restless.
Shocked, surprised, confused, sad, angry…… How could one be overwhelmed with all these feelings at the same time?
I was shocked to see that the results took a sudden turn when I slept.
I was surprised to see that the opposition won so many seats.
I was confused to see what was supposed to be right became wrong.
I was sad to see the racism from our leader.
I was angry that our leader clearly does not understand what his people want.
My heart ached, for the future of the country.
I know that you can’t change the course of a nation over one night. Rome wasn’t built in a day. However, the behavior of our leader makes me sick.
Why can’t he see?
It is never about our races.
It is never about our religions.
It is never about our beliefs.
It is always about, Malaysian.
Please, all we ever ask for is, lead us to the right path, bring us to a better place.
It is always, US. All of US.
Don’t try to divide us. We will never fall for such childish trick.
Don’t try to “color” us. We are “color blind”.
Don’t try to fool us. We are “color blind”, but not blind.
If you still want to remain in power, please be a leader!
Get rid of your muppets that aren’t contributing. They’re making you look like a fool.
Our Jalur Gemilang (Stripes of glory). Do you see the many colors that represent all of us??? We are ONE. We are MALAYSIAN.
Jalur Gemilang
Berkibar-kibar di hatiku
Jangan sekali sekala
Memijak impianku
Jalur Gemilang
Berkobar-kobar di hatiku
Jangan sedaya upaya
Memadam semangatku
Jalur Gemilang
Selalu di hatiku
Kita anak Malaysia
Kita bersatu padu
P.S.: I am not Chinese, I am MALAYSIAN. My dear PM, if my foreign friends can see me as a Malaysian, why can’t you?
Spam. Junks.
What is wrong with my spam filter on WordPress?
I’ve been getting lots of junk comments lately!
They’re telling me how great my blog layout is, how great my blog is, how great I am in writing…… HELLO! I’m not three year-old, don’t fool me with these kind of stuff……. Especially when you commented in my food post about money and freedom! Oh, and my hotel review post about videos.
If all you want is for me to visit your blog, just say so! And please comment in the relevant post. If you’re just some bots trying to boost your website hits, you can forget about it. I am human. :D
I Am Malaysian
I am Malaysian
I can speak Chinese
Because my ancestors were Chinese
But, I am Malaysian
I am Malaysian
I call Malaysia home
Because it is where I was born
So, I am Malaysian
I am Malaysian
I choose to exercise my rights
Because I have to do what is right
Therefore, I fight as a Malaysian
I am Malaysian
I vote for a better future
Because I want a better future
A future where we are all Malaysians
A future where I do not have to fill in my “race”
A future where we stand united as one race
A future where I do not fear my government
A future where the government serves its people
A future where I can proudly tell the world that,
“I am Malaysian
I love my country
And I love my leader”
~ Ashley
P.S.: Right now, I am not entirely proud of being a Malaysian. I am not entirely happy to be a Malaysian. I love my country, and it saddens me so much to see a bunch of monkeys running this country to the ground. It has become worse in the past 10 years. I am not sure of what the future will bring, but I am all hopeful. I am not a supporter of the opposition, but I am a supporter of change. 56 years…… It is long enough. Chance should be given to others, just like when the Americans given Obama a chance. For better or worse, we will be the ones who make the history. The vote, is in our hands. Why are we so afraid of change? I have heard people saying, “no one is capable enough to rule this country”. My dear, we are not sure, we are not sure. Don’t judge too quickly. At least, a change is better than nothing. Change, is what we need now.
He gave his people hope, but many are now disappointed. At least, the people of USA held their heads high and said, “I made that change”. I wish I would be able to say that, on 5th May 2013.
Surviving. Praying.
No words
Can describe
No tears
Can define
I wish for nothing
As I can’t wish no more
I dream no future
As I see no future
Beyond sadness
I stand
Above hopelessness
I pray
Life goes on
I go on
Here I am
Standing strong
There you are
Going strong
Against all odds
We survive
~ Ashley
I cannot say enough of how much respect I have for those who’s strong enough to stand by the side of their sick family members. I salute my sister for being so strong to go through all of it from the moment her husband got sick to the day he left, and with a toddler to take care of. I respect my friend who for the past three years never gave up on her boyfriend (who was seriously injured in a car accident) even when the people around her told her to. He is on his way to full recovery.
For those who’s fighting the battle that can’t seem to win, have a little more faith in yourself and also in your god. Miracle happens when you least expect it. For those who lost their loved ones unfortunately, never lose hope and don’t stop praying. You are already a miracle to be able to be strong for others.
Photo by Ashley, at DMZ, South Korea.
Déjà Vu #2
Some time ago, I wrote about déjà vu, which I used to have them very frequent. Surprisingly, I stop having that kind of feeling for quite a while.
I’m not sure if I should be happy. I’m happy that I do not have to worry about bad things in my dreams happening in real life, on the other hand I feel that I’ve lost some kind of “power”. Hahahahaha. Maybe not power, but the feeling of being special.
Why did the déjà vu happen so frequent? And why did it stop?
Only scientists/physicists can answer my questions I guess.
Or am I more oblivious of my feelings nowadays?
The Word That We Are So Afraid Of
Love?
Hate?
Hopeless?
Death?
There is one particular word that we are so afraid of hearing it, especially when it comes out from someone who we love deeply.
Suicide.
All of us have problems. At some point in your life, you will feel so helpless and hopeless.
When help doesn’t help at all, when hope fades…… This thought becomes even clearer than any other.
When someone feels anger or hatred more than anything else, this thought again, looms.
I’ve had close family members who expressed to me that they’ve thought of death as the only way out. I was afraid, so afraid.
What can I do to make them stop thinking about it? I hadn’t any clue.
There is one thing that I could surely do, show them lots and lots of love.
I talked to them more often, visited them, hugged them more than any other time that I would, and emphasized that I will always love them even when the world gives up on them.
Did it work? I guessed so. They’re still here with me.
The love from family is something that could save lives. I’m glad that our family bond is so strong and that makes things easier. We hold on to one belief, “if thing goes wrong, my family has my back and they will never ever give up on me”.
Last year, I finally understand why would someone think of death as the only way out. I didn’t understand why would one person give up life so easily.
I blamed it on the hormonal changed and emotional instability. See, it just takes a few wrong switches at the wrong time to trigger the thought. If it wasn’t taken care of, bad thing is bound to happen.
It happened during my pregnancy. I was so tired after a long day at work, something at home triggered the rest of the emotions and that’s it. I was throwing tantrums, raising my voice, crying…… A lot of stuff went through my mind. All sorts of silly thoughts, why no one cares about how I feel and all they care about is only themselves, why are they so mean to me, why do I have to listen to them all the time, why do I have to always be the one to give in, why can’t I have any freedom of speech…… All the why’s that I have no answers to. I was angry and upset.
“It would be better if I wasn’t around”, I blurted it out at Andrew and he asked me what I meant.
At that moment, I was looking at the sliding door to the balcony. I wanted to go over, open the door and jump off.
I didn’t do that, of course. I thought of my mom, I couldn’t leave her alone. The thought of her being sad is enough to pull me back to my normal self.
Whenever I look back, I feel scared. It was scary. If the thought were stronger enough, I would have done it. Will it happen again? I don’t know. I hope not. I have my family that needs my love, I can’t let them down.
I am no expert in psychology. If you notice someone around you has that negative thought, please seek help. Either from the expert or the family. GET HELP.
There’s always hope no matter how hopeless it seems.
P.S.: I’m not thinking of committing suicide now if you wonder. :) I’m perfectly fine and happy now. I’m not a quitter by nature. So, yeah, it must be the hormones back then. Hahahaha. :D
Photo taken by Ashley, using Samsung Galaxy Note II.
好男人。好难人。
俗话说，做人难，做好人更难。
我说，做女人更是难上加难。做好女人简直是超级难！
做男人呢？
坏男人总是被人说成是有性格。
好男人在现今社会简直就是濒临绝种了。
坏男人伤透了女人的心。
好男人何尝不是？！
谁说好男人就是任由女人欺负？
好男人也会伤女人的心！而且还是伤的最深！
好男人，对谁都好。把自己的女人摆在最后一位。
好男人，不善拒绝。把自己的女人冷落一边。
好男人，左右为难。令自己的女人里外不是人。
好男人，吞吞吐吐。让自己的女人磨耐性。
好男人，拖泥带水。叫自己的女人不得不自作决定。
好男人，优柔寡断。害自己的女人浪费青春。
看吧，好男人最终也只是难为别人。
说得好听就是好男人。
说难听点，只是个柔柔弱弱的男人。
好男人，好男人。。。
好难人啊！！！
后记：见过人家口里、眼里的好男人，可老婆却总是在受苦。有些最终还是搞婚外情、闹家变、搞离婚。好男人么？好男人的话怎么还会抛妻弃子、让老婆受苦、受伤？！我不敢说Andrew是个好男人。他人好，但不是好男人。我也不想他做好男人。只要有责任心，对我负责，就够了。我才不想他哪天回家跟我说他是个好男人，所以要对别的女人负责！我是自私的女人，我不准我的男人做大家的好男人。
Photo taken by Ashley
A Year Wiser
My surprises started since 12am, 1 April 2013.
Cheeky Andrew came into the bedroom, with his right hand clenched.
Andrew: Come, give me your hand. I have something for you.
Me: *Wide eye* HUH?! Eeeeeee!!! What’s in your hand???!!! Don’t want! Must be “kar juak” (cockroach in hokkien)!!! You just want to trick me!!! Don’t want!!!
Andrew: Aiyoooo…… Come lah!!!
Me: Don’t want!!! Don’t know what’s inside!!!
Andrew: NAH!!!! *He opened his hand and took out the pendant*
Me: Ohhhhh…… Hehe…… Thank you ah.
Andrew: What lah you…… “kar juak” pulak……
Not that I don’t trust him, he is just too cheeky at times and I gotta learn to “protect” myself from all his tricks. :P
It’s another charm pendant from Thomas Sabo. He wanted to buy the same one that I lost, which he gave me during one of the Valentine’s Day years ago, but it is no longer in the production. :( Really clumsy me, how could I have lost the first ever charm from him! The most precious one…… *Cries*
Few weeks ago, I’ve bought a beauty box for myself. Did not expect to receive it right on this day though. Was so excited and happy to receive it yesterday! It smells so pleasant the moment I open the box! Ahh…… What a pleasant pick-me-up. First time I bought myself a birthday gift. Hahaha. Never thought that it would feel so nice to receive a gift from myself! Guess I should do this every year, buy something as a gift and have it delivered to myself. :D
Beauty box from TheLilacBox.
During lunch time, I got another surprise. When a close friend asked me for my office address last week I already knew she was up to something. What I did not expect was the gift! Never would I have thought that they would send me a bouquet of flowers! Flowers from my girl-friends! This is another first! Aww…… I’m so touched. So sweet of them to surprise me with such a lovely gift. Now, who said you could only be surprised with flowers from your partner/spouse? ;) Girl-friends know how to sweep you off your feet, too!
I actually thought the flowers were from Andrew, ’cause there wasn’t any card attached. Hahaha. You girls really fooled me lor, on April Fools’ Day! Really love the fa-wer!!! I couldn’t help but smile whenever I see this photo, even right now when I’m writing this.
Girl-friends rock! XOXO
The Home That The Heart Desires
Yesterday, at 4.46pm, my heart literally stopped for 2 seconds when I saw my father’s number on my handphone screen.
My family doesn’t always call me at this kind of “odd” hours, mom will usually call me at night and dad will usually call me in the morning. My sisters will usually call me in the evening. I have had calls from them at unusual hours and it often turned out to be bad news.
All sorts of bad stuff crossed my mind, it must have been urgent or bad for dad to call me at 4.46pm, unusual! I braced myself to answer the call, and I heard mom’s voice. Geez! I got even more worried. Why couldn’t dad call me from his phone and mom had to do that for him?!
“Hello… It’s your father……” My goodness…… What happened to him?!
“Nothing lah…… Just that he can’t walk or sit since few days ago……” Oh dear, by this time I already felt like crying. Although mom tried to make it sound like it ain’t serious, but she was torturing me with her story-telling.
I’m gonna save you from my mom’s story-telling, so you’re not going to read all the dramas here. :)
My father suffered a severe lower back pain few days ago that he couldn’t sit and walk. Went to acupuncture and a few other doctors and things didn’t get better. So my sister sent him to a specialist and the doctor did an MRI scan, found that his inter-vertebral disc in his lower back has hardened due to old age and bone spurs that suppressed on his nerves. Doctor later found out from my dad that the severe back pain was mainly caused by his incorrect sitting posture while he was on his massage chair!
Dad bought this massage chair before Chinese new year and he has been having a hell of a good time on that chair ever since. Almost everyday he would sit on that chair reading newspaper, with one leg rested on another. Doctor said that his posture caused the lower back to sustain more pressure and slowly caused his degenerated inter-vertebral disc and bone spurs to act up. -__- The doctor suggested him to go through some physiotherapy to ease the condition.
So, massage chair isn’t really all that good huh.
Feel so sad that my parents are ageing faster than I thought.
Feel helpless that I can’t do anything.
Feel frustrated that I can’t be by their side when things like this happen.
The only thing I can do is, to go back more often to see them.
In fact, every time I go back, I’m finding it harder to leave them. The moment I return to KL, I start missing them.
I’ll get so miserable if I don’t see them for more than a month.
The older I get, the more my heart desires to go home.
I guess this is what they always say, home is always where your heart is.
I’m going home next week. Just the thought of it is enough to make me feel delighted. :)
IDIOTS
Do you believe that the more you deal with idiots, the more likely you will become one too?
What do you do when you’re surrounded by idiots?
I still can’t seem to handle idiots well. I still get agitated by them. Especially when they do idiotic stuff that really push me to the edge. ARGH! Someone said don’t argue with idiots, they will drag you down to their level and beat you with it. It is easier said than done. :(
Recently, I start to feel like I am an idiot too. :(
If I were any smarter, I would have gotten out of this hell hole and stop complaining.
My heart is singing,
Somebody save me
Let your warm hands break right through it
Somebody save me
I don’t care how you do it, just stay, stay
C’mon, I’ve been waiting for you.
When will my superman come to my rescue? T__T
Johor Premium Outlet
During the long Chinese New Year holiday, Andrew and I decided to make a trip to Johor Premium Outlet (JPO). As a Johorian myself, how can I not visit it.
It’s located in Senai, took us one and a half hour from Batu Pahat.
The moment I saw it, I was shocked. It looks so similar to the Paju Premium Outlet in South Korea! Even the color tone of the buildings looks the same. The layout and design are almost identical! I wonder, if the developer/owner is the same person.
Went with my eldest sister and her youngest son. Both of us were busy checking out the prices, while Andrew and my nephew were busy checking out the places and fooling around. My nephew kept asking us if we were done. This is what you get when you have a young boy tagging along in a shopping trip. However, he is sweet enough to just tag along and not whining. In between we would just buy him drinks, snacks, play around…… He is so easy to please. :)
Price wise, sorry to say that I did not find the prices attractive enough. They’re more expensive than Paju Premium Outlet. Of course, you may say that Paju is in South Korea, but I wouldn’t spend RM200 for a Ralph Lauren Polo t-shirt here in Malaysia where I know I can get it for RM130 in Paju. 3 pairs of Nike socks cost RM49, where I only got them for RM24 in Paju and of better quality.
Coach ain’t a lot cheaper than the retail store too. A wallet still cost RM350-RM500, a non-leather shoulder bag/tote still needs RM1500-RM2000. Imagine I got a shoulder/sling bag in Hong Kong for RM850.
Despite that I was disappointed, we spent 6 hours there! We had our lunch and dinner in the one and only food court there, with limited varieties. Sigh.
Actually, I still enjoyed the trip, all because I get to spend time with my sister and nephew. It’s been a while since I last travelled with her, the last time was 2 years ago when I went to Melaka to visit her. We had fun doing all the silly stuff. Travelling with your own sister definitely makes you feel young and naughty again. :)
I managed to grab 2 bikinis from Roxy, RM99.90 per set, to my surprise, buy one free one! That is the only bargain that is worth buying. I was so over the cloud nine. If you know the prices of Roxy bikinis, you would go crazy over this bargain.
Also gotten a collar tee from Nike, RM79.
Now, here’s my nephew. He’s such an adorable heartthrob! He did all the posing without us telling him what to do. He just knows how to pose! I couldn’t help but smile when I see these photos again. :)
Freaking Busy
I am so sorry for the lack of activities here.
I’ve been extremely busy with both my work and personal life.
Been busy preparing for the company’s dinner, which is tonight. It’s all about dinner, dinner and dinner since January. On top of that, I have my daily work and other deadlines to take care of. I think I am going crazy if things continue to move in this pace.
I am not doing everything alone, I have others to help. However, things will either end up getting messed up, delayed or not as expected. Most of the times I’m cleaning up the mess, making calls, chasing for answers, making decisions for others and worse, take everything back and do it on my own. I’m not trying to say that they’re not doing their job, it’s just that if I can’t get things done the way I want, what’s the point of delegating then? If I have to make all the decisions, why do I delegate then? Perhaps, I’m not a good team player and leader. :(
Grandma passed away last Thursday. :( She had a fall on Chinese New Year’s eve. Her health deteriorated since then. It was so heart-breaking to see her lying there getting weaker and weaker and there was nothing we could do. She was still responding to my words and all of us thought she would get better. We were very close to her when we were kids and now that she’s gone. Mom was so devastated. I felt even sadder to see mom so heart-broken. She is so thin now……
I was so busy at work, that I did not even have time to grief or cry when I received the news. I had to swallow all my tears and finished my work before I headed home. No one except my superior in the workplace knows about the news. I am sad that no one cares about how I feel at work, but I am also proud that I could hide my emotions so well that no one knows what’s happening.
Sometimes, you just gotta go through some difficult times to see people/things clearer.
Sometimes, you just gotta experience the heart-breaking moments to appreciate what is important.
Sometimes, you just gotta swallow it all, and live on.
How great life is, constantly busy dealing with our own emotions and feelings. On top of that, we still have to take care of the feelings of others. How tired life is.
P.S.: You’ll perhaps continue to see more inactivity here. After the dinner I will have another project to work on and the deadline is in a month’s time. I will try to write, I will try.
2013
Bad, bad, bad. Fell short in my 2012 targets. :(
For year 2012, I will…
- Exercise at least once a week
- Read at least one book a month
- Eat healthier
- Sleep early (latest by 12am)
I think I can easily do the second and third, the exercise requires strong determination though. Sleep early…… Which means cut down on TV time……
I did not exercise as much as I wanted to. Only started exercising consistently couple of months back. Sigh……
Read at least one book a month???!!! HA! I did not even finish the “Red Mist” since I picked it up in May last year. *Cries*
Eat healthier, yes. Now I can cook at home, at least Andrew and I are eating healthier than the past. I try to cook as often as possible, but boy, cooking takes up so much of my time. Sometimes I get so tired after cooking just one meal. -__-
Did I sleep early? Hmm…… Most of the time 12am. :D
I was so overestimating myself. Sigh…… Easily do the second and third? HAHAHA! My books-to-be-read are piling up. I have to seriously stop being lazy and start reading.
2012 was kind to me, but had my heartbreaking moment. Hope 2013 would be a better year.
Some of my firsts in year 2012:
- First time went to Bangkok, Thailand.
- First time went to Krabi, Thailand.
- My first pregnancy and miscarriage. (It’s sad, but it’s still my first.)
- First time went to the Big Bad Wolf book sale!
Seems like I didn’t have many firsts in 2012. Didn’t travel a lot too. Let’s hope this year I get to do more travelling.
2012 in Review – Fish Avenue
It’s that time of the year again.
I’m not very happy with myself last year, in blogging. I fell short in my blogging target, worse than year 2011. Was it the laziness or the lack of creativity and inspirations? To blog at least one post a day seemed possible, but I couldn’t do it. Guess I overestimated myself. I even stopped blogging about my trips! Sigh……
Can I do better this year? I hope I could. Blogging everyday may be difficult but it is possible. Don’t worry, I will not blog for the sake of blogging. :)
My Taiwan posts still got the most-viewed in 2012. It’s been 3 years since my first trip to Taiwan. I miss Taiwan so much. Hopefully, I can go there again this year.
So many things I need to accomplish in 2013. Dream big, believe, and you shall achieve. :)
Thank you peeps for visiting my blog. :)
Here’s an excerpt:
19,000 people fit into the new Barclays Center to see Jay-Z perform. This blog was viewed about 63,000 times in 2012. If it were a concert at the Barclays Center, it would take about 3 sold-out performances for that many people to see it.
Baby, Baby, I Love You
14th December 2012, Friday
I was so nervous waiting for the news. I couldn’t stop calling my eldest sister for updates. Hahahaha. After some drama, finally my younger sister gave birth to a healthy baby girl. I was begging for a photo of the baby but was told that the baby was put under observation in the nursery and no one could see her. Gggrrrr…… Baby only gets to go home on the 3rd day.
No reason given by the doctor for why the baby was put under observation for so long! None of the medical staff could give a reason! I would have flipped the hospital around if I was there.
Finally, saw my niece last week! The moment I saw her sleeping soundly in the living room, my heart melted. Awww…… She is cuter than I thought! She has this face that everyone would just go “awww…..” whenever we see her. I told my sister that she could turn the world around by just giving people that “look”. :D She is such a gentle baby, her cries are always soft and gentle and she does not make a lot of fuss. Best of all, she smiles a lot. :) She will give you a wide grin when you touch her cheeks or chin.
I told my sister that she is a special one. She was born with some imperfection. Fortunately it is only 2 of her toes on the right foot, wouldn’t cause any health problem.
I was with her for 3 days, talked to her, carried her, let her sleep in my arms, fed her water, burped her…… Now, I miss her.
Nurse came to measure her weight. She looks so tiny here. :D
Christmas 2012
If you haven’t already know, I usually spent my Christmas with Andrew’s aunt and her family. It is very generous of her to always invite us over for Christmas. We are very grateful of her generosity and kindness.
This year, she prepared a lovely feast for all of us!
Not just a great feast we had, all of us gotten a Christmas present from Aunt Felicia too! It is really thoughtful and sweet of her to personally hand-pick a Christmas present for us. Very much to my surprise, Andrew’s cousin got us some gifts too! So sweet of her.
It was a night filled with joy and love. We talked, watched TV, ate, laughed, made noise…… It was so merry! Indeed a merry Christmas. :)
With my lovely Aunt Felicia and family :)
Cousins rule!
All the pretty ladies. Hahahaha. :P They’re all cousins of Andrew.
All 19 of us in the house!
I am truly blessed, to have a loving family of my own, and a loving family of Andrew’s. I am so grateful to be surrounded by so many great people despite the fact that I do not have many close friends.
Nothing beats the love from your family. Cherish your family.
The LIKES
I often have other bloggers liking certain posts that I wrote here. If you are one of them and you are reading this, I want to thank you. :)
Someone has said that by courtesy, it is good to pay a visit to the bloggers’ blogs to see what they are up to. Who knows, you might even like what they have there in their blogs. I admit I do not always do that. Sigh…… Sorry.
I promise, I will make some time to visit all of your blogs before the year ends. Yes, it is only a few days left of 2012. I shall do that. :)
Again, thank you for taking your precious time to read my crap. :) Whether you’re a “silent reader”, I really appreciate that from the bottom of my heart. :)
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! May your new year filled with joy. :)
I feel so happy!
I am going to see my new born niece for the very first time tomorrow! That is enough to make me feel happy!
It’s been a while since our family last had a new born, all of us are so happy! Naturally, everyone adores the baby girl madly!
I went crazy the second my sister sent me a photo of the baby last week. My heart has been with the baby since then and all I could think of was I want this weekend to come sooner! Hahahahahaha.
I’ll post a cute photo of the little princess here after I see her tomorrow. :D
P.S.: It isn’t the end of the world as we know it. :)
Have you changed?
There is no such things as friends forever.
People can change. We, change.
Our lifestyles change as our priorities change.
Our priorities change as our experiences change.
Our life experiences change as our journeys change.
Our journeys change as our perspectives change.
Our perspectives change as we age.
We are constantly changing. Growing, perhaps.
We can’t expect someone to stay the same forever. For better or worse, we change.
We can’t blame the other person for changing, we ourselves change too.
So, why does it upset you so much when you found out that your friend has changed?
Perhaps, he or she is saying the same about you.
One of the friends said this to me recently, “we are now like having nothing to talk about…… It’s sad.”
I did not say anything, I left it at that.
I don’t blame her for feeling that way. Our lifestyles are different now, our circle of friends is also different, even our outlook on life is different.
We used to be very close, but that was a long time ago. We used to think that we would be best friends forever, but all that has changed now.
I have changed. For her, I may have changed for the worse.
What do we talk about now? Nothing much. Just hi, how are you, and followed by the awkward silence.
No doubt, it is sad. However, I can’t do anything.
I stop trying hard to get someone to jump onto the same bandwagon I am riding. What’s the point if the other person doesn’t appreciate the same view like I do? Plus, we are not heading to the same destination.
When you feel your friend is not as close to you as before, don’t be mad or sad. Be grateful that he or she was part of your life.
We all change. Have you?
You Are More Free Than I Am
Has someone said this to you lately? Or implying that you are more free than them?
I am married, without children. I have friends and colleagues who are married with children. I hate it whenever they want me to compromise my schedule to suit theirs just because they think (and say) that I am MORE flexible because I don’t have kids! Excuse me, your children is your life, I understand. Please also understand that I have a life too although I don’t have children!
Lately, anything regarding parenting or children caught my attention. Not because I want to be a parent soon, but I think I can learn one or two things for dealing with people that behave like children. This article in The Sun caught my attention this morning, The all-engulfing world of parenting.
“Some of them used to be so fun to be with, but now all they want to talk about is their kids. Their whole lives are their kids. It’s a bit of a shame, really, because they used to be so much more.”
It is both shame and sad. Do they not have other things to talk about other than the children? You may argue that many do not have the luxury of time once they have children of their own, their world revolves around their children. That is just so sad. I believe no matter how busy one is, a good 10 minutes of reading time is all it takes, be it a paragraph in a book, an article or magazine…… Oh yes, I’m sorry, I don’t have children and I don’t understand how difficult it is to find that 10 minutes. Don’t forget, by sitting in front of your computer or via your mobile browsing through Facebook, it can take you more than 10 minutes. If you have 10 minutes for that, what makes you think you don’t have 10 minutes for the news online?
Once they have transmogrified into parents, their time suddenly is deemed more precious than those without kids. “If you want to do something, it has to be at such and such an hour and at such and such a place, because, you know, you’re more free than I am. I’m a parent.” I wonder why parents have this impression.
Exactly! What makes the parents think that those without kids are more free than them?! I so often heard parents saying, “my weekends are for my family and children, can we meet on a week-night? Oh and I will have to get home by 9pm, so we will have to meet somewhere near where I live.” How fair is that for me? So I don’t have a kid means I can drive 20km away from my home and sacrifice that extra 30 minutes on the road so that you can get home early to be with your kids? So I don’t have a kid means I don’t have to get home early? So I don’t have a kid means I don’t have anything or anyone important in my life that I need to get home to early? Seriously, what makes a parent think that his/her time is more precious than those without kids?
I am glad that I have friends who are parents but they do not just talk about their kids. They too make the effort for a quick meet up and they would not request others to accommodate to their time and place. I am grateful of friends like them, they’re the ones who make me feel they are still who they are even when they have more responsibilities now.
Unfortunately, I too have friends who always want me to sacrifice for them as they think that I am more flexible and free than them since I don’t have kids. When they ask me out, they would give me a specific time and place and I will have to make myself available. If at all I can’t make it, they will be so surprised, asking “what are you busy with? You don’t have a kid and you’re so busy?”
Sigh…… Once, I told my colleague, I don’t have a kid, doesn’t mean I will be sitting at home watching TV and doing nothing at all. Or I can be so free to go anywhere at any time. I have a husband. Even if I were single, I would have an important life that I want to live.
I don’t have kids. That doesn’t mean my world revolves around YOU.
When I have a kid, it would be my choice. I would not make others sacrifice for a choice that I make. I shall be making the sacrifice, not my friends.
Colleagues
Some of you may wonder, why I never blog about my co-workers/colleagues/peers (whatever you call them).
I have this principle, I don’t bring my working life into my personal life and vice versa.
My colleagues do not know my friends, and my friends have never met my colleagues. The people I know from both worlds, never “collide”. :) Only Andrew met my colleagues.
Why do I have such a weird principle? Well, it is because I am a different person in two different world. If you ask my colleagues and friends what they think of me, you’ll most likely get 2 different answers. Both of them can be right about me. We all behave and react differently under different circumstances. Plus, there are things that you are not supposed to share with your colleagues and there are things at work that you’re not supposed to share with your friends.
I tend to be a more carefree person when I’m with my friends. I get to be myself, talk nonsense and say things that I know I can never say with my colleagues. My friends won’t judge me.
When it comes to my colleagues, I am a little more reserved. I have to work with them, so there are things that I know I should not do or say. There would be times where I accidentally let my carefree self out, they would be so surprised and convinced that I was NOT being myself on that particular day. For they do not know, that IS ME.
I do have colleagues that I am close with and they’re friends too. However, they still do not get to see the other side of me. We see each other at work, occasionally we have dinner together, and that is it. I treat them as my friends, but I hardly pour myself out on them. When I want to do that, I go to my friends who are not my colleagues. I do not bring my personal life to work and I do not want to develop a personal life in the workplace. This is where I work and it requires me to be professional if not all the time, most of the times. I can’t allow a personal relationship that will affect my decision.
I can’t avoid the friendship in workplace. After all, I see my colleagues more than I see my friends. It is only natural that colleagues develop become friends. The friendship between my colleagues and I are unique. We are close, but not close enough.
I do not want to introduce my colleagues to my friends too, I would like to keep that “line” clear.
Fortunately, I am good in balancing both worlds. Tiring? Sometimes. Good that I have Andrew to go to whenever I need a break from all of them. :) I am my true evil self when I’m with Andrew, every little dark side of me is unleashed when I’m with him. No one would wish to see that. Hahahahahahaha……
My colleagues, are a secret to my friends. They may know the stories in my workplace, but they do not know who my colleagues are.
My friends, are a secret to my colleagues. They have no idea what kind of friends I have.
Do you have another alter ego?
The Social Network
It all started with friends sharing with each other what’s happening with their life.
Now, it has become a tool for people to boast about themselves.
We all have boasted about ourselves. Don’t act all innocent and tell me you have never done it.
Some argue that it is for our friends to know what is happening in our life, it’s about sharing. Well, I guess you don’t have to share about your hair color changed every month, your relationship with your partner everyday, you have a pimple today, you did not put on any make-up today, you had a diarrhoea this morning……
I think we are abusing the “sharing”.
Sometimes I wonder, when we posted a photo of ourselves, what do we expect to get? That our friends would “like” our photos? That others would comment that we are beautiful? To show others that we are pretty?
I too, am guilty of the above. However, I do it less frequent now, as I don’t see a point of posting a photo of myself to the social network any more.
I do not post “status” any more. I would like my life to remain private from people that I’m not close with.
I do not “check-in” to places I’ve been to as well. I have gotten sick of people telling me that I’ve been going or eating out a lot.
I now do not share what I cook any more.
So, you may ask, why do I need the social network for?
I read news about what is going on with the world, get myself inspired with some other great people, share stuff that I think is meaningful and useful, communicate with close friends, share music or videos that I think is cool, share photos of food that I think is nice, sometimes a photo or two of myself and what I’m doing, some interesting stuff that I saw……
I have a restricted group of people that I don’t share everything with. Those people have never taken interest in my life and I would like them to stay that way. I may sound mean, but that is me. I even rejected “friend requests” from friends that I am not close with. My friends list now does not grow. If it wasn’t because of some mutual friends, I would have deleted even more.
Is social network the same as blogging? Hmm…… I would love to think that they’re different.
Bloggers write, not boast. :) Although there are some exceptional cases.
So, are you boasting or sharing?
Fantastic 4
Nope, this isn’t about the movie. :P It’s about me, Andrew, and our marriage. Hahahahaha.
Without feeling how fast time flies, Andrew and I are married for 4 years. We’ve been together for 11 years.
Never have we felt less loved. Instead, the love we share is growing stronger everyday. I can’t understand people who said the love is disappearing after they’re married. I don’t get it and I certainly don’t feel what they feel. I don’t understand this, “stop loving someone”. How can you stop loving someone? How can such feeling disappear? Unless he/she did something horrible.
4 years…… I am still happily married, so is Andrew (at least I feel he is).
He spoils me with all his love and I think I am like a spoiled kid when I’m with him. A lot of men would have run to the end of the world and commit suicide if they see how Andrew treats me. Hahaha. Of course, he doesn’t give in to me all the time. And, I don’t take things for granted.
Over the past one year, there were some unhappy incidents. Lucky that we sorted them out and things worked out just fine. I guess it is only right to say that every relationship or marriage has to have its own ups and downs. That is essential for the relationship to move on to the next level or stage. It’s just like, “you have to fall before you can rise again”. Without differences and disagreement, there will be no similarities and agreement.
Some people are still saying that I am lucky to have found such a nice man. They should have said, I am lucky to be found by such a nice man. I did not let go, that is all I did.
Very often, I wonder, if I were to make a different decision 12 years ago, I wouldn’t have met Andrew, and we wouldn’t be married now. Just one small decision, is all it takes to change the course of history. So, if you were to ask me what would I change if I could go back in time, I would tell you, “nothing”. Every decision I made leads me to where I am now, I am happy with where I am now. I would not risk losing something I have now to change something in the past.
Hope we have many more happy years to comes.
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Playing The Game Of Ignoring
I must admit, I am extremely good at ignoring someone when I choose to do that.
When I decide to stop talking to one person, he/she will get the silent treatment from me.
I will ignore that person completely even in a group. If he is talking, I’ll not respond to anything he said. I will not even look at him. He will be invisible to me. When I talk, I will not even look at him and if he responds to anything I say, I will never reply. If he asks a question, I will pretend that I have not heard it.
I have done that before, but not many have seen it. For me to completely ignore someone, he/she must have had done something that pissed me off BIG time.
Another situation is, I can ignore stares from others. My peripheral vision is pretty strong. I will know if someone at the same table is actually staring or looking at me, or if someone is exchanging glances with another person and they thought I did not know. I can ignore all that and make as though that I do not know.
You must be wondering, why the hell that this Ashley loves to ignore people. Hahahaha.
Well, there will be times that you will just have to do that to help yourself feel better.
There’s a saying, ignorance is a bliss. It is true sometimes.
P.S.: My peripheral vision is good, but I have this problem of spotting someone I know in a crowd or on the street or in a shopping mall. There were many occasions that my friend would come up to me and call my name and I would be so surprised to see them, and they would say, “what is wrong with you? I was just right in front of you and you couldn’t see me?!” Hahahaha. Sorry, that I really didn’t mean it, I wasn’t ignoring you. :P So please, if you see me in a shopping mall and I did not see you, do know that I wasn’t ignoring you. :P
Ashley
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