To return the favor, it could be either good or bad.
We are taught to return the favor when someone helps us. We are never taught to return the favor when someone is mean to us, or we call it revenge. It is always said that revenge only makes you feeling even more bitter, makes you a hater. Even if you manage to return the favor, you can’t undo what is done.
Unlike returning a good deed, others feel happy and you feel happier. Returning the favor should be a circle, it goes round and round, on and on, it should never stop. We often feel elated when we help someone and the world could always use an extra helping hand.
We are also told that to treat people how you would want to be treated, never do unto others what you don’t want others to do unto you. Recently, I saw the photo below on Facebook and I laughed. I laughed, and I concurred.
When the other person doesn’t really care about me, I feel that it is only wasting time to continue to show that I care. Someone said, keep showing them the love since they may need it. Hell with that. I’m not a saint. I can’t love someone who constantly treats me like a doormat. I may or may not return the favor, but I will certainly distant myself from that person, either physically or emotionally.
A very simple rule, you treat me nice, and I’ll treat you the same. When you are mean to me, please don’t expect me to be an angel. When I turn my back on you, you should know damn well that it is time for you to walk out of my life. Don’t go around telling others how I have failed you, remember, it works both way.
Have you ever revenged? Was it really “sweet revenge”?
When I was reading Dan’s blog, We Shouldn’t Be Friends by Any Account, the people that came to my mind were them:
More often than not, we make most of our friends when we are in school. Those friends, are our classmates, also partners in crimes, and friends. When we go to college, we make new friends too, if you’re lucky. When we start working, we have co-workers/colleagues, some of these people become our friends too. You see, the places where we make new friends, are pretty much, predictable. Of course, there are examples of making new friends over the internet and some other strange places. For me, I met this bunch of incredible people in a wedding forum.
It started with us ladies, planning our weddings. We needed information, where else to go to when the world wide web is the easiest and fastest way. We joined this wedding forum, we exchanged ideas, information, advices, thoughts, opinions, jokes, tears…… Five of us, got especially close to each other. Why? I don’t know.
Then, it blossomed into real-life friends. We met up, with the rest of the bride-to-be’s. However, five of us would meet more frequent. We even had our own chat group on MSN and every night we would gather at 8pm or 9pm and chat. We talked about everything under the sky and we laughed at almost every joke.
In between, things happened. Can’t remember what exactly, I’d like to think that’s just how things work.
First, it was only us, the ladies. We’re not really close in age. Our age gap is in between 3 to 6 years. We also come from different places and we were brought up in different culture. We are actually very different. Somehow, we click. Not in a million years I thought I could be friends with them.
Melissa, aka Mel Mel, is the “gentle” one among us. She laughs, she jokes, she talks, but she’s never loud. Once in a while she will say something that crack all of us up big time. She LOVES food, and she doesn’t like HOT. However, she would go under the hot sun for food. Hahahahaha. Usually, I will snort at this sort of “puteri lilin”. C’mon lah, you’re living in Malaysia, if you can’t stand the sun and hot weather, where else can you go? But, we are still friends. The rest of us will always make fun of her “puteri lilin” side, but she’s cool with that.
Wan Yi, we call her “Ah Yi” most of the times. :P She has the loudest laugh!!! When she gets excited, she will laugh so loud that we all at one point think the walls are going to collapse! She’s the youngest among us, we all sometimes treat her like lil’ sister. She is Singaporean. You know, I’m very sceptical towards Singaporean. I usually can’t stand them. To top that, Wan Yi is so much younger than me, she’s even younger than my younger sister. I don’t always click with “small” sister. But well, we are still friends. She has a big heart, she can take whatever crap this BIG sister throws at her. :p
There’s Nicole, we nicknamed her “Ah Nic”. She can cook and bake good stuff! We used to go to her home and eat! Hahahaha. And Wii-ing together. I don’t see her as often as the rest, but we still keep in touch. She will always make effort to meet us. I don’t usually have a lot to talk to friends that I don’t see regularly. You know, that awkward moment when you meet a friend that you didn’t see for a long time, you go “hello, how are you”, and the silence that follows…… Somehow, Nicole is an exception.
Honestly, they’re not exactly the type of friends I would be seen associated with if you look at my personality. However, it turned out that they’re the closest friends that I now have. We don’t get jealous of each other, we don’t badmouth each other, we don’t lie to each other…… We agree, but we also disagree. We have good and bad times, but our hearts still bring us together. I guess Dan is true in saying, friends just kind of “happen.”
Over the time, we include our husbands. Surprisingly, our husbands get along just fine. We often go out and travel together. We don’t really care how much the other person is earning and the background, so long as we are happy together.
Friends, may not always be there. So, be grateful when they are.
I used to have a lot of friends, good friends, best friends…… Most of them are history now. I wish someone could have told me when I was much younger that true friends show up only when you’re in trouble. That would have prepared me for all the heartaches.
At this age, I am still learning how to be more sensitive towards the feelings of others. At the same time, not to be overly sensitive over what insensitive people say and do.
Well, we are only human beings. We have feelings, and we feel hurt. We can’t help it, even when we keep telling ourselves “don’t”.
It still beats me to this day that why some people can be so insensitive. No, they are sensitive too, but they are insensitive towards others’ feelings.
These people, they do not like being questioned by others. However, they enjoy asking the same questions to others and causing pain. Here’s the example:
Miss X: Hey, when are you going to have your own baby? What are you waiting for? You’re not that young anymore, you know.
Miss Y: I think it’s none of your business. (Feeling sore and miserable by the questions.)
Miss Y: Hey, when are you going to have your own baby? What are you waiting for? You’re not that young anymore, you know.
Miss Z: Ermm…… I’m trying……
Miss X: When are you getting married? You two have been together for so long, it’s time, you know.
Miss Y: Well, he has yet to ask me to marry him. (Feeling more upset that Miss X pointed out the fact.)
Miss Y: When are you getting married? You two have been together for so long, it’s time, you know.
Miss Z: Ermm…… Soon……
They feel the pain of their own, yet they go on to cause the same pain on others. Why on earth would someone who is feeling the pain hurt another person to feel the pain too? What human beings are they? Don’t they know you “do not do unto others what you do not want others to do unto you”???? Is this some sort of revenge for what they’re going through? Or are they happier to see others suffer???
Just recently, I was craving for cakes and I wrote on my Facebook wall that I lost my appetite on food except cakes. Some commented that I am pregnant to have such cravings. Since when food cravings are limited to pregnant women only, for crying out loud?! My food cravings always come and go, don’t tell me you never have food cravings even when you’re not pregnant!
You know what is the pain about asking me if I was pregnant for having such cravings? You did not know that I just had a miscarriage. You did not know what I had gone through but you brilliantly went on to ask if I was pregnant. THAT, my dear, is the pain. I don’t blame you for not knowing what I went through, I only blame you for being so insensitive to judge and assume. If I hadn’t gone through a miscarriage, I too would have felt the pain because obviously, I wasn’t pregnant. And yes, you smarty pants just rang the bell of pain for me not being able to get pregnant. You could have just told me where to find delicious cakes to curb my cravings instead of bringing up the pregnancy stuff.
I deleted my status soon after that, because I do not want to see those questions again. Once again it proved that Facebook is such an evil place. I have to keep reminding myself not to post anything too personal anymore.
Everyone makes their own choices. We don’t usually like others to probe, but please don’t go probing too. You don’t know what others are going through and even if you think you know, you may not know it all. Some questions are better left unasked. What do you get even if you know the answer??? You get absolutely nothing. So what if you know??? You feel happy or sad for them??? Then, what can you do??? Absolutely nothing. Don’t cause pain when you know you can avoid it.
Next time, before you ask that question, ask yourself, has that anything to do with you?
Oh, if your friend wants you to know, you don’t even have to ask.
P.S.: I am glad that I have a few close friends that never ever ask me when am I planning to have a baby. It isn’t that they don’t care, they just know there’s no need to ask. Aren’t you grateful to have met friends like this? These are the people that I love surrounding myself with.
Have you ever had that moment, that when your friend posted a photo on Facebook, you feel obligated to click the LIKE button?
It is just a normal than normal photo, you don’t even like the photo, but you click the LIKE button for the sake of liking.
You feel that if you don’t LIKE it, someday your friend’s gonna question you “why you never LIKE my photos”.
Or some will even ask you, “didn’t you see my photo the other day? You never notice me on Facebook. You don’t even care.”
It’s pathetic. Since when our friendship depends on the LIKEs on Facebook?
My surprises started since 12am, 1 April 2013.
Cheeky Andrew came into the bedroom, with his right hand clenched.
Andrew: Come, give me your hand. I have something for you.
Me: *Wide eye* HUH?! Eeeeeee!!! What’s in your hand???!!! Don’t want! Must be “kar juak” (cockroach in hokkien)!!! You just want to trick me!!! Don’t want!!!
Andrew: Aiyoooo…… Come lah!!!
Me: Don’t want!!! Don’t know what’s inside!!!
Andrew: NAH!!!! *He opened his hand and took out the pendant*
Me: Ohhhhh…… Hehe…… Thank you ah.
Andrew: What lah you…… “kar juak” pulak……
Not that I don’t trust him, he is just too cheeky at times and I gotta learn to “protect” myself from all his tricks. :P
It’s another charm pendant from Thomas Sabo. He wanted to buy the same one that I lost, which he gave me during one of the Valentine’s Day years ago, but it is no longer in the production. :( Really clumsy me, how could I have lost the first ever charm from him! The most precious one…… *Cries*
Few weeks ago, I’ve bought a beauty box for myself. Did not expect to receive it right on this day though. Was so excited and happy to receive it yesterday! It smells so pleasant the moment I open the box! Ahh…… What a pleasant pick-me-up. First time I bought myself a birthday gift. Hahaha. Never thought that it would feel so nice to receive a gift from myself! Guess I should do this every year, buy something as a gift and have it delivered to myself. :D
Beauty box from TheLilacBox.
During lunch time, I got another surprise. When a close friend asked me for my office address last week I already knew she was up to something. What I did not expect was the gift! Never would I have thought that they would send me a bouquet of flowers! Flowers from my girl-friends! This is another first! Aww…… I’m so touched. So sweet of them to surprise me with such a lovely gift. Now, who said you could only be surprised with flowers from your partner/spouse? ;) Girl-friends know how to sweep you off your feet, too!
I actually thought the flowers were from Andrew, ’cause there wasn’t any card attached. Hahaha. You girls really fooled me lor, on April Fools’ Day! Really love the fa-wer!!! I couldn’t help but smile whenever I see this photo, even right now when I’m writing this.
Girl-friends rock! XOXO
There is no such things as friends forever.
People can change. We, change.
Our lifestyles change as our priorities change.
Our priorities change as our experiences change.
Our life experiences change as our journeys change.
Our journeys change as our perspectives change.
Our perspectives change as we age.
We are constantly changing. Growing, perhaps.
We can’t expect someone to stay the same forever. For better or worse, we change.
We can’t blame the other person for changing, we ourselves change too.
So, why does it upset you so much when you found out that your friend has changed?
Perhaps, he or she is saying the same about you.
One of the friends said this to me recently, “we are now like having nothing to talk about…… It’s sad.”
I did not say anything, I left it at that.
I don’t blame her for feeling that way. Our lifestyles are different now, our circle of friends is also different, even our outlook on life is different.
We used to be very close, but that was a long time ago. We used to think that we would be best friends forever, but all that has changed now.
I have changed. For her, I may have changed for the worse.
What do we talk about now? Nothing much. Just hi, how are you, and followed by the awkward silence.
No doubt, it is sad. However, I can’t do anything.
I stop trying hard to get someone to jump onto the same bandwagon I am riding. What’s the point if the other person doesn’t appreciate the same view like I do? Plus, we are not heading to the same destination.
When you feel your friend is not as close to you as before, don’t be mad or sad. Be grateful that he or she was part of your life.
We all change. Have you?
Some of you may wonder, why I never blog about my co-workers/colleagues/peers (whatever you call them).
I have this principle, I don’t bring my working life into my personal life and vice versa.
My colleagues do not know my friends, and my friends have never met my colleagues. The people I know from both worlds, never “collide”. :) Only Andrew met my colleagues.
Why do I have such a weird principle? Well, it is because I am a different person in two different world. If you ask my colleagues and friends what they think of me, you’ll most likely get 2 different answers. Both of them can be right about me. We all behave and react differently under different circumstances. Plus, there are things that you are not supposed to share with your colleagues and there are things at work that you’re not supposed to share with your friends.
I tend to be a more carefree person when I’m with my friends. I get to be myself, talk nonsense and say things that I know I can never say with my colleagues. My friends won’t judge me.
When it comes to my colleagues, I am a little more reserved. I have to work with them, so there are things that I know I should not do or say. There would be times where I accidentally let my carefree self out, they would be so surprised and convinced that I was NOT being myself on that particular day. For they do not know, that IS ME.
I do have colleagues that I am close with and they’re friends too. However, they still do not get to see the other side of me. We see each other at work, occasionally we have dinner together, and that is it. I treat them as my friends, but I hardly pour myself out on them. When I want to do that, I go to my friends who are not my colleagues. I do not bring my personal life to work and I do not want to develop a personal life in the workplace. This is where I work and it requires me to be professional if not all the time, most of the times. I can’t allow a personal relationship that will affect my decision.
I can’t avoid the friendship in workplace. After all, I see my colleagues more than I see my friends. It is only natural that colleagues develop become friends. The friendship between my colleagues and I are unique. We are close, but not close enough.
I do not want to introduce my colleagues to my friends too, I would like to keep that “line” clear.
Fortunately, I am good in balancing both worlds. Tiring? Sometimes. Good that I have Andrew to go to whenever I need a break from all of them. :) I am my true evil self when I’m with Andrew, every little dark side of me is unleashed when I’m with him. No one would wish to see that. Hahahahahahaha……
My colleagues, are a secret to my friends. They may know the stories in my workplace, but they do not know who my colleagues are.
My friends, are a secret to my colleagues. They have no idea what kind of friends I have.
Do you have another alter ego?