Time flies, it’s been two months. My body is still healing from the miscarriage. My heart, still aches sometimes.
I feel a lot more guilty this time, because I seem to be coping very well with the loss. I feel that I didn’t mourn the unborn child enough. The feeling of guilt is so strong now. Someone in a pregnancy forum told me, moving on faster this time doesn’t mean I love it any lesser. However, I feel terrible.
I don’t want to forget. I force myself to remember it every 23rd of the month. I would count, one month, two months. Subconsciously, I will try to make it difficult for myself.
I have thought of getting myself pregnant soon, but I know that is not what I want.
I too have thought of giving up on having a child, knowing that Andrew would not mind.
But it is just so not me to give up something so easily. Especially when I know I have not done my best.
Having a child has never been the priority in my life. I’m not sure if I should make it one now.
P.S.: I would be 5 months pregnant now if I did not miscarry……