Life is the art of drawing without an eraser ~ John W. Gardner

Healing. Mourning.

Time flies, it’s been two months. My body is still healing from the miscarriage. My heart, still aches sometimes.

I feel a lot more guilty this time, because I seem to be coping very well with the loss. I feel that I didn’t mourn the unborn child enough. The feeling of guilt is so strong now. Someone in a pregnancy forum told me, moving on faster this time doesn’t mean I love it any lesser. However, I feel terrible.

I don’t want to forget. I force myself to remember it every 23rd of the month. I would count, one month, two months. Subconsciously, I will try to make it difficult for myself.

I have thought of getting myself pregnant soon, but I know that is not what I want.

I too have thought of giving up on having a child, knowing that Andrew would not mind.

But it is just so not me to give up something so easily. Especially when I know I have not done my best.

Having a child has never been the priority in my life. I’m not sure if I should make it one now.

P.S.: I would be 5 months pregnant now if I did not miscarry……

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3 responses

  1. notice how nature
    gently turns compost
    into flowers.
    may each breath
    offer a moment
    of calm, joy and healing :-)

    December 25, 2013 at 1:31 AM

  2. I am sorry Ashhh….
    I know its not easy to overcome that feeling. Especially when it comes to particular dates. Only people in the same boat would understand better. But I hope you could get more happiness to cover up the sorrow. Hugssss…..

    December 26, 2013 at 12:50 PM

    • Ashley

      Thank you mel mel. If I don’t go think about it then I’m ok one. Hehe.

      January 7, 2014 at 5:50 PM

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